In My Dream

I am discovered. I speak with large groups of women eager to experience me lead them in loving self-care practices. I’m confident, calm and funny. The women trust me, even though they’re a little nervous about what might happen when they show up for themselves. We sit in a circle and share our confessions of self-love. Intimacy comes quickly, and desire to speak only honesty builds in the room. My work launches thousands of women into flourishing lives they love, leaves me feeling oh so purposeful, fills my emotional cup, and my bank account, too.

The Reality

Beautiful tiaraAfter most Yoga classes I teach, a student offers me deep gratitude. Frequently before we practice, one exclaims that this is her favorite class, and I am her favorite teacher. I quietly wish this was all it took. I’ve thought, “surely, if this is the response I get when I teach, someone will discover me and I’ll be recruited for something big and I won’t have to worry anymore!”

The morning before the retreat campfire, I wrote in my notebook, with arrows pointing to the words on either side

“You’ve gotta crown yourself. “You’ve gotta ask, ‘who do I need to become next?’”

 

I doodled words like Power and captured phrases like “give all you’ve got to become someone you’ve never been before.”

When Cate asked for folks to share their biggest takeaway, I said, “I can crown myself!”  She asked me where my crown was.

During a lunch break, I fancied a crown out of paper and markers. I colored it with green and pink designs. After lunch, Cate took a look at my crown and challenged me.“What are you crowning yourself?”

Well, I hadn’t thought about that. I didn’t given myself a title.

Sometimes our a-ha’s don’t end with “A-HA!” Simply recognizing it is past due for me to step out of teaching exclusively in a humble yoga studio in a small community if I wanted to land a big gig, wasn’t enough. I needed a plan, a new way of being, a name for myself.

Throughout the retreat I practiced stepping up. My tendency is to shy away from the spotlight and play a comfortable supportive role when someone else is brave. I shared with the group that my goal for the week, was to allow myself to be brave, even if someone else was already doing so. I had to follow through.

Flashback to Playing Small

I spent ages 8 to 32 playing small. Before then, I was the fearless leader of every neighborhood kids’ play and creative game in the cul-de-sac.

I was tall. Really tall. Much of elementary and middle school I towered a head over my classmates. The only boy taller than me at the time became my lifelong crush. Other boys started calling me Jolly Green Giant. I wanted so badly to be accepted. Those years are rife with memories of being left out–girls I wanted as friends wouldn’t let me play with them on the playground. Playing small meant managing my desire to be attractive with my fear that if I was noticed I’d be unwanted or teased.

When I tried to play big, I lost. I ran for student council, tried out for musicals, and nominated myself for captain of the swim team. I wanted to prove I was more than tall. I was smart, and qualified to lead. Not being selected for any of those, I started to think I wouldn’t be, ever. I had this sense that I was beautiful, but no one could see it. And if no one could see it, it didn’t benefit me in the slightest. I downplayed my gifts, I felt unattractive, untalented, undesirable.

In college, my strong passion for social justice led me to leave school to volunteer as an AmeriCorps VISTA. I was 21, andit was grade school drama all over again. My boss was unkind. I quickly recognized that it wasn’t that I wasn’t good enough, rather she was somehow jealous of me. This didn’t boost my ego; it crushed me. I feared losing my job and connections. I returned to campus, lacking confidence to be a front runner, afraid I’d get in the way. Studying community organizing, I learned to lead from the back.  

Invited To Shine

As I transitioned from managing organizations to launching a wellness career, I received quiet accolades for creating safe spaces, cracking jokes in classes and providing effective coaching. My hope for being discovered surfaced — I dreamed that someone would come to my class, sweep me off my feet and hire me to lead yoga retreats across the globe. I would buy my Bed & Breakfast and never question again if I’d end up on my parents’ couch. As if I needed an invitation to shine.

Soon, several experiences brought me back to feeling left-out on the playground. Yoga business owners said things to me that made it clear they were worried I would somehow outshine them. Instead of stepping up, I backed off, found other, more isolated ways to teach.

Before the Fall 2017 Yoga Healer Retreat in Rapid City, we were asked to complete a few personality tests. I love these tests and while sipping chai in a Billings, MT café, I committed $100 to Wealth Dynamics.

The results came in, and told me I am a Star seconded by supporter and creator.

Accepting that I am a star is a journey. I am clear that I no longer need to hide; it won’t serve my big dreams. Playing small felt safe when I was made fun of for my height, when someone with power threatened to take mine away, or when I wasn’t selected to lead.

Flash Forward to Today

In November, 2017, I launched the Fearless Self-Love, podcast, which now has 14 episodes on itunes. I started the show because I believe that loving ourselves is the most selfless thing we can do. When we prioritize our own needs, we show up more fully for others. I wanted to create a place to highlight stories of self-love discovery and it’s life-saving impacts. And, I too, wanted to shine. It’s my favorite (albeit unpaid) part of my job!

Outside of coaching, I co-host the monthly Flathead Poetry Slam. I hold the mic. And dig every minute of it. When nothing’s scheduled, I’m dancing the night away, perhaps in a polka-dotted romper to a hip-hop DJ, or learning to two-step at a local country bar.

In these up front, attention-grabbing scenarios, I feel alive, purposeful, and connected. Giving myself permission to thrive in the limelight takes courage. It also gives my example of vulnerability a chance to encourage others to step up and be who they are, too.

My world now is play and starlight, freedom and standing (or dancing) in my power. I am not trying to be discovered. Instead I am developing my own platforms to shine.

Putting myself out there, booking as many networking tea dates as possible with the badasses of Montana, and on the phone with folks all over, whose stories I long to share on my podcast is fun and inspiring. Wow. How cool that stepping into my native genius actually seems to be the missing link!

Are you a star playing small and shining only in dimly lit rooms hoping to be discovered?

Would being discovered make you rich in dolla dolla bills or deep, meaningful love? What will you crown yourself?

I’m crowning myself Courage Queen.

Not the Self-Love Queen, I’m not ready for that. I’m still in line, interviewing gurus, teaching what I am still learning. Courage I can do, am doing. I need courage to get me to self-love, to play big and listen well. It’s courageous not try to prove myself. To let instead of wish. To be instead of jockey. Queens aren’t know-it-alls. They have a royal court. And I am relying on mine to keep me honest, playful and brave. Thank you in advance.

Crowning myself gives me the freedom to step into the development of my own future, without waiting for someone to see me.

Here I am! This is the year to do what scares me.

Pause to think about how you would feel if you were discovered.

• Where would you be? What would you wear? Who would you be with?
• What needs would this meet?
• What’s one small step you can take to get there?
• In order to get there quickly, who would you have to be?
• What would you call yourself

What are you waiting for? Go Crown Yourself.

Years of experience as an Ayurvedic practitioner have laid the groundwork for her communicating clear and easy ways to nourish yourself in the kitchen. The priority of her visually calming cookbook is practicality. The tips in this episode are nothing but simple and practical, too. You’re sure to walk away with something tasty to try in your kitchen as soon as possible!

What you’ll get out of tuning in

• Why you don’t need to know anything about Ayurveda to cook from Kate’s Everyday Ayurveda Cookbook
• How to simplify your cooking regimen so it’s easy for you and delicious for your entire household
• What to drink to stay cool on a hot summer day. Hint: it’s not just water!

Show Highlights

• 02:00 Kate talks about what make her book unique, simple, and accessible.
• 07:10 Recipe and discussion about learning basic tools to cook from scratch
• 16:45 Tips for how Yoga Health Coaches can help clients get over the hurdle of cooking by preparing simple, nourishing foods for themselves
• 18:39 Kate discusses her new book, Everyday Ayurvedic Cooking for a Calm, Clear Mind, and why she needed to write it

Favorite Quotes

• 02:04 “There is really no use trying to tell someone to modify their diet if they don’t know how or don’t believe they have the time to prepare the foods you’re teaching them about.” –Kate O
• 03:34 “I wanted [readers] to feel…inspired, excited, hungry, just feel legitimate hunger for real food, just simple food.” –Kate O
• 05:30 “I do think that if people eat a seasonal diet, they’re like 60 percent ahead of the game already.”  — Kate O
• 07:10 “Do you know you can saute zucchinis in ghee for 5 minutes, stick it in the blender with broth, salt and pepper, and you’re good to go?” –Kate O
• 09:20 “What’s in the fridge, what’s in season, what’s at the farm, what’s at the farmers market, what’s in my garden?  [Allow] that connection with your intuition, and the little bit of knowledge that you have, and also the desire that you have for something, and then just [use] your hands, and that is very simple and empowering.”  — Andrea
• 12:01 “There’s a basic thing going on here that’s called making kitchari. It doesn’t change. You soak it, you boil it, you put some spices in it. But maybe the spices changes, maybe the oil that you use changes, and then certain vegetables change…You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. You soak it, you boil it, and add a few different things.” — Kate O.
• 12:39 “I adore cooking and I tend to use cookbooks as a reference point, more than a follow along. There are definitely times when I really need to follow along with something and I can feel overwhelmed or daunted, and the simplification of your book is beautiful in a way because it’s empowering, [the cookbook is] like: ‘yea I have something to share with you that can help you, but really you have all the tools you need. If you can get this down pat –soak, boil, add…. Then [you] can get more comfortable with subbing something in…and it can still be really nourishing for you. And that the point is really about taking care of ourselves, the practice of self-nourishing and self-love.” — Andrea
• 16:45 “If we as coaches send them in our own words, a recipe, just a real simple little thing, like oatmeal, I think the client, because of their connection with you, is more likely to make it….Having a couple of things in your own words, I think that’s really going to hit home.” — Kate O
• 18:39 “Within a year or two of practicing, I noticed that, more than half the time, disharmony was the mind, not in the body. Even if it was presenting in the body, it was coming from the mind…. There would be this one thing that keeps recurring, and it would be totally related to stress.”
• 20:45 “Spring comes around, when it’s dark and cloudy out, I feel really down. So I start using pepper and ginger and green vegetables.” — Kate O
• 22:50 [Kate’s next book is] “out in mid-March [2018]. It’s Everyday Ayurvedic Cooking for a Calm, Clear Mind.” — Kate O
• 24:25 “To make an herbal water with fresh herbs is a great idea. Cook the water until it reduces to half with a sprig of mint in it. The other thing that’s awesome is to make fennel tea, and drink it at room temperature. I think it helps the body to deal with the excess water and oily qualities if it’s humid out or to manage heat. It makes everything a little less puffy.” — Kate O

Guest BIO

Kate O’Donnell is the author of The Everyday Ayurveda Cookbook: A Seasonal Guide to Eating and Living Well. She is a nationally certified Ayurvedic Practitioner and Ashtanga yoga teacher based in Boston, and still travels to India annually for study. Kate began yoga by accident in South India at age 20. More than a dozen extended trips to India and nearly twenty years studying the wisdom traditions of the sub-continent support Kate’s understanding of Ayurveda and Yoga.  She specializes in Ayurvedic education, cooking skills, and cleansing programs, offering on-line programs, residential immersions and trainings, and individual consultations. Her Ayurveda and yoga offerings aim to help others come closer to their true nature.

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When I cook, I am in my happy place.

I can cook in the day, I can cook in the night.

I like it in dark and I like it in the light.

I cook in the silence, I cook with tunes on.

I cook with friends, I cook when everyone’s gone.

I like it in the kitchen, I like it in the woods.

Cooking makes me happy more than even I have understood.

While Sam I Am’s friend hates green eggs and ham anywhere, I love to cook anywhere!

When Kate’s book arrived, I brought it with me to a camp where I was the hired chef.  Amidst the dust blowing outside the kitchen tent, the shiny and new book looked a bit out of place, but at the same time, it’s reflections of the natural rhythms of the seasons fit perfectly in this outdoor learning center. Kate’s South Indian Sambar (p. 124) inspired the lentil dish I made for the 10-12 year old campers and the elders that came to the camp to support the young ones. My favorite comment came from a young camper who piped up to tell me that the dish he ate was much better than he’d expected. In fact, almost every kid thanked me for the good food that evening.

What I like about Kate’s book the most is it’s accessibility. Indeed, Kate’s vision was to create a cookbook with simple, easy-to-follow recipes that anyone could follow. Below is an abbreviated version of our Yoga Health Coaching Podcas conversation, which you can also listen here. It’s fun to get to know Kate by hearing her voice, so I highly recommend listening to the full interview when you have the time.

Excerpts from my Interview with Kate O’Donnell

Kate O’Donnell is a Yoga teacher, who teaches Mysore style yoga in Boston. She is an Ayurvedic practitioner and an author. Ayurveda has been a part of Kate’s life since she traveled to India 20 years ago.

Andrea: Why do you think your book is such a hit?

Kate: The recipes are really simple and it is nice to look at. The books my clients had already tried to use were… too complicated. There is really no use trying to tell someone to modify their diet if they don’t know how or don’t believe they have the time to prepare the foods you’re teaching them about.

Feel Inspired, Excited, Hungry

A: What demand or need did you seek to meet that wasn’t being met in other cookbooks?

K: I moved away from using tri doshas in the cookbook.~Editors note- {Ayurveda emphasizes three different mind/body/spirit types, Kapha, Pitta and Vata. These three doshas are combinations of elements and patterns that can appear in differing degrees in each individual. Honing in on own your Ayurveda ‘type’ can get complicated. Further complicating the matter is that things change with the season, times of day and the time of life you are in(teenager, thirty-something or retiree. All of this can be distracting so Kate O’Donnell focused the recipes in Everyday Ayurveda on foods that work for all people most of the time.

Time and time again I would be sitting with a client…that didn’t feel confident in knowing what dosha they should be cooking for, or what to do if they had a family. I wanted [people] to feel inspired, excited, hungry. I wanted people to feel legitimate hunger for real food, just simple food. When I was working with groups all the time it really wasn’t appropriate to get into the VPK(categorizing recipes according to which of the different doshas Vata, Pitta, Kapha should be eating certain foods.) I started gravitating towards diet and lifestyle routines that anyone could take home, [like] cooking to deal with the seasonal effect. If people eat a seasonal diet, they’re 60% ahead of the game already.

[Kate makes the recipes so simple to make, her clients can’t say no;)]

I know this [client] needs more astringency, how can I get them excited about stone fruits and zucchinis?

Did you know that you can sauté zucchinis in ghee for 5 minutes, stick the mixture in the blender with broth, salt and pepper and you’re good to go?!

I started to have narratives of recipes that were not by the book in anyway. I didn’t use any measurements, a handful of this, a pinch of that, and it seemed to work.

I created that first recipe section, Everyday Recipes (Chapter 4),  what as an Ayurvedic Practitioner would call tridoshic. I felt like I was offering people a balanced diet.

A: The simplification of your book is beautiful in a way because it’s empowering…you have all the tools you need. The point is really about taking care of ourselves.

K: You don’t have have to read the whole book cover to cover to make [any one recipe]. Cooking is sadhana.

A: Sadhana is not just 6am on your mat, but it can be 6pm in your kitchen.

For Yoga Health Coaches…

A: What’s your number one tip for Yoga Health Coaches who are working with clients who struggle to establish rhythmic & healthy eating habits?

K: Chapter 2: The Rhythm Project. To establish a rhythm, all you really need is one touch point. I would choose one meal, that presented as the least crazy time of day. I would shoot them little paragraphs of 3 options for what to eat. If we as coaches send them in our own words, a recipe, just a real simple little thing. I think that  the client is more likely, because of their connection with you, is more likely to make it.

Kate’s Next Book: Everyday Ayurveda Cooking for a Calm, Clear Mind

A: I know you have a new book that you’re working on. What’s different about it & why might Yoga Health Coaches and their clients gravitate toward it?

K: More than half the time, I noticed disharmony in the mind [of a client]. I had to talk about sattva, rajas and tamas! I knew I had to write a book to deal with the mental attributes. It’s separated into three sections: 1) the biggest section is all sattvic recipes — cultivating sattva will balance rajas and sometimes tamas as well, 2) section for calming rajas, including recipes that can stand-in for what stimulates the rajas in the mind, 3) tamas section — invigorating, inspiring, get you off your ass recipes.

Sometimes you just know that it’s in the mind.

Summer Cooling Tip

A: What’s your favorite way to nourish yourself with food in the summer?

K: I eat a lot of fresh herbs; they really cleanse the body. I am a fan of putting parsley, mint, cilantro in everything. Make an herbal water: cook water until it reduces to half with a sprig of mint in it or make fennel tea and drink at room temperature. Helps to deal with excess water and oily qualities, or manage the heat.

For more about Kate O’Donnell, visit her website.

If you answered “Yes,” read on — this blog is for you!

As a woman whose work is to guide other women on a path to wellness and self-acceptance, you’re likely already a pretty darn good listener. Perhaps you haven’t started a podcast because you think it requires having all the answers or doing all the talking. In my brief experience, and according to well-practiced podcasters, that’s just not true. In fact, there are at least three main ways to host a podcast:

1. You show up as the expert — you lead your listeners into an educational or inspirational experience
2. You interview experts — you talk to folks who can guide your listeners into an educational or inspirational experience. Your guests could also be ordinary people, sharing their stories.
3. You collectively lead a conversation — you jam with a vocational counterpart (someone with a similar niche client, but with different offerings) to practice listening authentically, and receive the gift of being heard and affirmed. You come alive, your listeners get inspired, your mesh-network (and listener base) grows!

Clearly, number 3 is my preference!

Ayurveda can help, of course. To prepare for this blog post, I popped over to Ask Cate on the Yoga Healer podcast. Tune in to learn more about listening from your heart and whole body, trusting your own desire, and communicating effectively through podcasting, from the wisdoms of Ayurveda & Collaborative Intelligence.

Concrete Steps on How to Get Your Podcast Off The Ground

In order to provide you with a clear and doable process of how to create an established podcast, I turned to Yoga Health Coach, Brodie Welch. Her podcast, A Healthy Curiosity, is 50 episodes strong and inspires me every time I listen. The show, “explores what it takes to be well in a busy world, using self-care tips from Chinese Medicine.”

Step 1: Identify & Believe In Your Mission.

• Ask Yourself Some Questions Before You Hit Record

Brodie suggests you start with asking yourself these questions:

1. What are you setting out to do?
2. How do you want people to see (err…hear) you?
3. What is the purpose of your podcast, so to speak?
4. What role will you play?

“Are you the expert? And inspiration unto yourself? A supportive cheerleader and champion? [Or] crusading world-changing activist?,” asks Brodie. “Who says you have to talk to anyone at all? You could do a solo show and give out tips every week.”

Some common reasons for hosting a podcast include:

• Educating your target market
• Providing inspiration to your community of listeners
• Growing your business
• Expanding your funnel or audience by boosting your know-like-trust factor

Whether you decide to show up as the expert, interviewer or collaborator, your approach and your guest selection “should give you an opportunity to shine in the way you want to highlight,” says Brodie.

Maybe you’re becoming a little more clear on your podcasting vision, yet you still might require a bit of encouragement or affirmation.

• Believe In Yourself.  

Identifying your mission is really naming what you’re good at. If you’ve gotten clear on your mission, you have something to say. And guess what?

Your voice is needed! According to Forbes: An estimated 70 percent of the most popular podcasts are hosted by men, yet close to half of podcast listeners are women, Edison Research.

“Women have half the voices on the planet, yet far less than half of the airtime, says Brodie. “Because podcasting has a relatively low barrier to entry, it’s an incredibly democratic form of media, a way of sharing your message and your story, and your medicine with anyone who wants to hear. So whether you’re male or female or somewhere in between, the world needs your gifts.”

If you’re reading this, you’re curious about sharing your message more widely through podcasting. Look over some of your testimonials, remember you have something to share that is life-changing. And go for it! In other words-Believe in yourself and add several exclamation points!!!!!

Step 2: Set The Scene.

• Create Your Space

“Choosing a microphone is not nearly as important as designing your podcasting space,” suggests Brodie. She reminds me to avoid an echo chamber, and opt for a cozy space with a door, preventing interruptions from housemates or pets. Opt for soft features — carpet, pillows, cushions on furniture to create a comfortable space, and to enhance your ability to listen and be present while recording.

Did you know that Cate Stillman always records the Yogahealer Real LIfe show standing up? She prefers feeling her feet on the ground. When she stands, she is able then to listen from her heart downward, and engage in full-body listening.

• Schedule With Ease

You don’t have to record your podcasts live or even at the same exact time weekly or monthly, unless that works for your schedule and for you to feel more at ease, and present in your own body. Most important is that your listeners can expect a reliable release date of your show. Set a regular recording interval that allows you ample to edit and publish by your release date.

• Bank Your Show

Many podcasters record 5-10 episodes before releasing their first one on a main media platform. This way they have a head start. Having a few episodes ready to go, will give you time to record future podcasts without feeling rushed. Banking your show recordings will also buffer your sick days, planned vacations and emergencies that require you to delay a recording. I was relieved to learn this was a strategy many podcasters I admire have utilized, especially since I am still working to get my podcasts on itunes and other outlets. When I do, I will benefit as if I had strategized this way from the get go!

Step 3: Speak To Your Listeners

• Niche Market

Now that you know how you want to show up and set up,  it’s crucial, just like when you teach your courses, that you speak to your ideal client, or in this case, your ideal listener. Not every listener will become a client:

“Having a podcast allows me to … help people who might not ever become a client. It provides a service branch to my business, which feels amazing. I hear stories about people who were listening to my show and had a friend walk in, hear something useful and say ‘I’m going to try that!’ So there’s a ripple effect where I’m able to reach people in a very intimate way (between their ears!).” — Brodie Welch

I love the advice to to write a blog post or newsletter to a specific ideal client, as if she’s the only one listening. When we do this, we know at least one person is listening. When podcasting, speak to her as well. What would she most benefit from hearing? As Cate says, when one person talks, we hear the echo of 1000 voices. So, when one person listens, 1000 are waiting to catch the echo in the wind. Whatever you have to say will be meaningful to many more than the one person you are targeting.

• Consider Constitutions

Remember that all of your podcast followers are influenced by their Ayurvedic constitution to focus, process or space out when listening. You may also want to consider what your guests will benefit from feeling, doing, seeing, or even tasting & smelling (depending on the topic of your show).

Cate suggests catering to the audio, visual, kinesthetic needs of your listeners. You’ll benefit from incorporating visual and movement cues to keep your audience engaged.

We talk about the various ways listeners listen and how perk their ears in our recent podcast.

Step 4: Collaborate With Your Guests

Who do you listen to? My guess is you don’t only listen to other Yoga Health Coaches. You have other interests, hobbies, curiosities, appeal to your niche clientele, and also those who might be lurking around the fringes.

• Vet Your Guest

You might start your guest-vetting process by considering where your expertise and that of a guest overlap, or where their expertise fills a gap on a topic you want to address for your listeners, but need support in order to do so.

Brodie asks “them what they are most passionate about sharing these days. Or what [they wished] the world knew about their topic.”

Consider how your guest could express their passion or expertise to the greatest benefit your listener.

Of course, the more what your guest is passionate about sharing aligns with what your listener wants to hear, the better!

• Listen To Speak

When it’s clear it’s a good fit, you can either a) send the interviewee questions in advance so both people are working from the same script, or b) suggest the topic of discussion in advance, then allow the conversation to flow organically while you record.

Your guest may have a preference. In my short time podcasting, I have found that some guests strongly prefer to have time to ponder questions in advance, and others are eager for an on the fly chat. My guess is that your knowledge of Ayurvedic constitutions tells you why that is.

Whether or not your guest has reviewed specific questions, having a list you can refer to while you record is quite helpful “in case of awkward silences,” says Brodie.  “But for the most part I like to let it flow.”

Cate suggests listening for what’s sparking your desire to learn more about what your guest is saying and how to trust the flow of a conversation.

• Call To Action

Now what? After listening to your show, is there something your listener can do to implement your educational insight? Either you or your guest can offer a suggested action step. Remember kaizen if you’re encouraging listeners to try on a new habit.

“I want to make sure everyone can take away at least one practical tip to make it worth their while to tune in,”  says Brodie.

A tip doesn’t have to be something hard or even new. It could be inviting your guests to remind themselves of their own intrinsic value, to sit in the sun and breath in the mantra, “I have everything I need.”

Step 5: Create Connection with Content Marketing

Podcasting is content marketing. But just because someone listens to your podcast and loves it, doesn’t mean they’ll walk into your next class as your shining ideal client. You have to give them the opportunity to do so.

• Record Commercials

You might be wondering…Do I have to publicize myself in commercials on my show? The short answer is no. You could sell ads that bring your listeners to other people’s products, and they in turn may market your show to more listeners.  But, Brodie reminded me of the harsh reality of podcasting,

“Somebody’s got to pay the bills. Podcasting isn’t free, and people understand that shows have sponsors. When you are your own show’s sponsor, you are talking to people who are already interested in the stuff you like to talk about, [which] presumably relates to your offerings. Having a dedicated space where you tell them how they can connect with you further provides them a service: you are helping them to take the next step if that’s what they’re ready to do. Rather than thinking of it as a commercial, I like to think of it as a time out of the conversation to explicitly invite the listener to connect with me.”

• Utilize Testimonials

One strategy I used to help get me over my own resistance hump to creating my own commercial was incorporating client testimonials. This way I could ground myself in the outcomes of my work. I felt validated inviting people to have a conversation with me about the work I did with them. Testimonials aren’t necessary (listen to Cate & Brodie’s shows for examples), but they helped me create my first commercials.

Step 6: Edit for Relevance

This is my least favorite step. Up until this point I am in my zone of genius. Once I say good-bye to my guest and listeners and the recording is complete, I want to be complete, too. I do, however, recognize there is much value is not just posting the recording right away.

• It’s Worth It

In Brodie’s experience, “you don’t  want to waste the listeners time listening to tangents that are relevant to the topic. While you don’t have to leave out every “um,” “uh” and “like,” you will have guests who use filler words so much that it’s almost painful to listen to.”

Remember, you’ve worked hard to get a topic, guest and conversation together that will meet your listener where she is and wake her up to something new or her own inner intelligence. You don’t then want her to “get annoyed and tune out.”

• We’re Not Perfect

  

Having the opportunity to edit allows you to speak more freely and naturally. As it could be you who says something you don’t want on your show!

I once was so excited to tell a guest about an experience that it was all I was thinking about while she talked. I caught myself and started to pay attention. When she was done, I said, “Yeah, that reminds me of this coach who I really admire…” and I couldn’t remember who it was or what I wanted to say. I stopped the recording, figured out where to start again, and when back to smooth out the transition after our time was complete.

Brodie, too, says “things that are a little too candid: for example, something from my personal world that may not be totally mine to share if it involves a friend or family member.”

If anything is said that you think might offend your listeners, the ones you want to keep listening, the ones you hope to help or become clients, remove that, too. Thankfully, I have not had to do this yet.

Brodie has removed “comments and even not used entire interviews that seem sexist, not inclusive of LGBTQ people, or otherwise not in line with the values that I hold dear.”

• Keep Track While Recording

Brodie suggests that while listening, you note the minutes and seconds of what you want to remove, to shorten your editing time.

Of course, staying on track and considering what you say before you say it will limit the amount of time you spend in front of your editing software after the show.

If you don’t want to do the editing yourself, hire a techy Virtual Assistant.

Step 7: Make Your Podcast Accessible

Are you asking what I’ve been asking?, “How the F*** do I get on itunes?!”

• Establish Your RSS Feed

“If you want all the places where people might get their podcasts from to have regular access to new show that you upload, you need to have your feed hosted somewhere. I use Libsyn, but there are plenty of podcast hosting companies dedicated to maintaining your RSS feed,” says Brodie, and all successful podcasts everywhere.

If you choose Libsyn, they have some tutorials that may be helpful to you or your VA for getting started.

• Follow Instructions

Once you have a podcast host it’s time to upload, not just your new episode, but also  cover art, and show notes. Your hosting site (ex: Libsyn) will post it to iTunes, or other media outlets like Google Play, Sound Cloud, etc .

Do note that “iTunes is extremely picky about their specifications for cover art. So you definitely want to look that up before spending any time on it,” says Brodie, and I agree! Take your time, and get it right, or you won’t get it at all.

• Celebrate!

Once your podcast is live and free to the masses, it’s time to celebrate YHC style. Get a jar of kombucha, call your girlfriends and have a brag circle. Share your win for this great accomplishment. Have your phone at the ready, I may be calling you soon!

 

“With a mixture of compassion, strategy, and healing expertise, I share my message with the world: that self-care isn’t selfish, that when we change the way we breathe, move, handle stress, and nourish ourselves, we dramatically change how we feel.” — Brodie Welch

Being sick helped. It was dire I was forced to uplevel my self-care practices to get better.

I’m practicing embodying the “pleasure-seeker” avatar. Turns out I’m good at restricting myself from indulgence, pleasure, and relaxation. In the past, I always called it saving and efficiency. I thought I had a good work ethic. I see now that really I’ve spent my adult years trying to prove my worth.

I’ve worked jobs that pay little and demand much. I’ve given my heart out and taken it back. Recently in my own business I’ve launched my own line of fearless self-love services and then spent hours a day anxious that I still don’t cut it.

The good Lord invests in those who invest in themselves some say. I agree that our free will ought to be put to sensible use, and that includes how we treat ourselves. After all I’ve gone through my motto has become, “Self-love is the most selfless thing one can practice.”  

It’s tough, though. It’s not so easy.

I’m here to report. I’ve gotten good in some areas:

• I buy good quality food — I choose organic, locally grown & delicious. It’s my most common splurge. I shop in small locally-owned stores with limited fluorescent lighting, where I’m bound to run into like-minded friends with a smile.

• As a solo-prenuer, this is new territory. For a few years, I’ve let my work creep into my rest time, an email here or there, a workshop most weekends, never feeling rested on Monday morning. Now, I close my computer for 24 hours or more these days. I soak in Hot Springs or in a float tank. I hike a mountain. I believe the world of work will be there to when I open my Macbook the next day.

• I’ve learned to have an orgasm — For the lucky women out there, perhaps this happened for you at 13, but for me, I was 30 before I actually fully experienced this physical pleasure. There were many reasons for the resistance, but let’s just say, it wasn’t easy to let go of my ego, until it was. And now, this part of my life is pretty amazing!

There are other places I could still use some help. I tie my personal worth to things outside of myself:

• The networth of my business
• My lover’s passion to love me as I desire
• What others are willing to invest in themselves when and if they pay for my services

This feels vulnerable. So vulnerable, I’m hesitant to share it.

It’s been my habit to let my anxiety swell when the numbers fall — when loved ones prioritize their own needs over mine, and when clients aren’t ready to invest their time or money to transform their lives into the lives of their dreams.

It’s ironic, because I facilitate the cultivation of self-love. We talk about accepting who we are, acting with love toward ourselves, practicing self-empathy, investing our time in practices that will nourish us, and enable us to better love others.

It’s ironic to me that I teach others to know their worth internally, and yet I have trouble:

• Separating my intrinsic value from the pennies (ok, maybe quarters, but not yet dolla dolla bills, y’all!) I shuffle from one bank account to another.
• Being patient with the self-prioritization of another if it leads to me not getting my way.
• Accepting that those new to the idea of self-love may need more time observing their guides/teachers/facilitators practicing the concept before buying in themselves.

Invest In Yourself

My own journey of self-worthiness continues. Lately, it’s challenged in a course I am enrolled in, Grace Edison’s Yoga of Money. I’ve been encouraged to believe that what I invest in myself will come back to me 3-fold. So I book a self-care afternoon, spend a little more on the food I really want, buy a plane ticket to see my folks. But after those investments, I recoil:

• After my massage and flotation therapy, I received a text about a problem that I couldn’t fix. It sent me into a downward spiral anxiety spin. My boyfriend thought someone had died by the way I told him I’d had a really stressful evening, when really I’d made a common mistake that I was worried had terribly upset others, a totally forgivable mistake– I’d lost a set of keys. I sabotaged by my ease as quickly as I’d acquired it!

• After indulgent grocery shopping, I notice myself shoving aside worry about my credit card statements–neither resting in the joy these healing items will bring me, nor spending the afternoon judging myself– I turn off any emotion that could lead me toward regret or celebration and focus my energy on cooking.

• After the plane ticket purchase, I simply notice that I can reason this purchase away, because it involves a few weddings and time with my parents. Buying a plane ticket purely to go on vacation. Well, I haven’t done that…

Investing in myself is not easy. Emotionally, I steer away from a life of wealth for fear I’ll no longer have compassion for the impoverished. All the while, the financial insecurity of focusing on launching my own work frequently leaves me anxious and searching for another job.

I desire knowing all sides of an experience — feeling flush, feeling poor, working hard, resting, soaring above expectations, and living with the consequences of commiting a royale F*** Up — I do this so I remain relatable to others. Unfortunately, I also remain in a struggle between potential thrive and certain self-sabotage.

Say Good-Bye & Thank You

There is something within me that has always craved the knowing. I like this part of me, but…

I’m ready to bid good riddance to the part of that craving that says I deserve the bad with the good, the part of me that says I need to know what it feels like, to be continually undervalued, namely by myself (yours truly)in order to relate to the masses.

I’ve been afraid to let go of that I must struggle severely to have an amazing life. My own small piggy bank needs to break open if I am going to facilitate an empire of fearless self-love.

I will say here, that I am well aware of my fiscal wealth as it compares to most of the world. I have above and beyond what I need — clean water and plenty of it, people who love me, heat when I need it, nourishing food, and access to health care. What I realize now, though, is that I do not have to live on the poverty line to live a life of service. I do not have to struggle to get by in order to prove I care.

Love Is Tied To Money

So, it’s clear. Love is tied to money. This doesn’t mean that the content of my soul will always reflect my pocket book. But I believe it does mean, that until I believe my pocket book can reflect the content of my soul, it won’t.

I am clear about what I want in this life, for myself. I also want some really specific things for the world — namely for everyone to practice courageous self-love, but this post is about the individual. It starts here. I want to:

• Choose freely how to spend my time
• Regularly connect with loved ones around real good, homemade, locally sourced, creatively prepared food
• Visit my family and take a vacation with ample time to feel connected, deeply rested, and motivated to return to work

So, what I am worth? Well, darling, I’m priceless. So are you. I won’t put a number on my heart, but I will start entertaining the belief that my intrinsic value has a place on the self-love market, that my personal zone of genius to cultivate communities of fearless self-love via empathic listening, strategic coaching, and telling it like it is are qualities that folks need and desire.

It’s about time I step out of my fear that I have to prove it to the right people, and into the love I believe makes all of us whole, and trust that my offerings need only be nurtured to thrive, not forced into the right hands.

So, What Are You Worth?

You might start with what asking yourself:

• What makes me bound with endless energy? Spreads a soft grin across my face for hours?
• What quality have others affirmed about me that has made me swell with joy that I am alive and have the ability to offer?
• How do I yearn to spend my life (without taking into account financial restrictions)?

And then, when the answers to those questions are clear, practice doing the things that showed up in your answers. For me–I value cooking, hiking, hanging out with kids, listening, coaching.

Do the things on your list, and you’ll be on your way to self-love. You’ll hit a few bumps in the road. You’ll topple over several times. You’ll talk yourself in and out of your beliefs. And if your tireless, you’ll start to believe you’re onto something, that you’ve got it going on, that you have something to give, and you’ll go for it.

And Ask Yourself Again

Then, when you doubt yourself again, when you’re ready to give up on your greatest gifts to work for “the man” because you doubt this solo-prenuer gig can be pulled off (by you, at least), ask them again.

Then, put your mouth where your money is, and start talking yourself up, dear. Bring your best stuff. Offer your talents as if they’ll be rewarded endlessly. Buy yourself flowers, float in a tank of 1000 lbs of epsom salt, invest in that class you know will change your life.

Every ounce of your unique genius makes you invaluable. But if you don’t see that — if you don’t invest in yourself, don’t put on your oxygen mask first — you’ll make it very difficult for others to see your worth.

Here is my list of habits that I aspire to avoid as a yoga teacher. I’ve done them all! If you are a yoga teacher you likely have, too. If not, share your secrets.

#1 Turn Your Back to the Students.
Your class is about to commence. Turn to face the front of the room with your back to the yogis. Plug in your music, you’ve assumed your optimal position. You won’t get lured in by their intense eye contact. Because you can’t see your students, you won’t have to worry if they’ve understood how to safely do the pose you’ve demonstrated. Just keep going with your flow, looking everywhere but into the crowd. Assume they’re on target, following right along. When you turn to face your students, you get caught up trying to recall right and left and trying to mirror them. It’s easier if you just turn around. That way you relieve all confusion, at least for you. Plus, seeing you looking at them, can be intimidating, anyway. They get the opportunity to ease up, you get to stay in your own little world. Win-Win.

#2 Shout Over Your Yoga Jams.
When you have to exert more energy to talk, the students have to exert more energy to listen. You’re heart rate will go up and you’ll sound like you’re working hard, even if you’re just talking and not doing the asana. If they think you’re working hard, they’ll amp it up, too.

#3 Just Keep Talking!
You’re non-stop chatter eliminates the students’ opportunity to think about anything other than what you are saying. Students experiencing Yoga Chitti Vriitti Nirodaha (cessation of the fluctuations of the mind) depends on you! They have no choice, but to be totally present and focus on you and what you want them to do. It’s really amazing how this will work in your favor to get everyone doing what you want, rather than creating their own sequence.

#4 Don’t Stop the Class To Demonstrate A New Asana.
This really messes up the flow and the vibe of the class. Keep going, even if it means you are out of alignment because you are trying to watch all the students while you show them. That’s why you barter Yoga lessons with a massage therapist; she’ll fix you up.

#5 Do You Whole Practice With the Students.  
If you practice before class, then when you demonstrate a new posture you’re totally warmed up, and you make it look too easy. You put yourself on a pedestal, which obliterates, rather than enhances your connection with the students. If you do your practice with them, they see you struggling and feel more comfortable trying the postures, too. Bonus: You save at least 1 hour each day you teach to do what you want to do instead of get on your own mat!

#6 Stick To Your Plan.
Have a notebook with a minute-by-minute outline. That way you have no chance of getting distracted by what students may actually need to practice that day. You avoid having to trouble-shoot, and you don’t have time to give them feedback or adjustments because you’ll need to keep your nose in your notebook. It’s a safe way to ensure you won’t cause injury by suggesting a modification or offering hands-on-adjustment that doesn’t work for the student.

#7 Don’t Credit Your Teachers, You Know It All!  
Embrace the wisdom you have acquired. Yoga is all about taking your practice, your life to heart. It doesn’t matter what you learned from where, you’re a unique being and if you bring in teachings from others, you lose your own Validity.

Throw Away Your Megaphone

Ok, seriously. We’ve all done at least one of these. This post isn’t about poking fun at Yoga Teachers who are doing many of these in order to name them as BAD. and those who aren’t, as inherently good. Since I began teaching yoga, 6 years ago, I’ve become keenly aware the atmosphere in which I thrive as a yoga student. I consider it a treat to attend another teacher’s class, and used to grow extremely disappointed if I saw several of The Seven Habits of Highly Ineffective Yoga Teachers informing their instruction.  It would become difficult for me to feel fulfilled in my practice and I would leave feeling like I’d wasted my time and frustrated that there were so few teachers I could go to and leave inspired or challenged or attended to.

Become an Inspirational Yoga Teacher

Now, I don’t feel that way. I know I am responsible for my own experience. I am grateful my knowledge and experience of yoga give me some ground to stand on when I show up in a class that doesn’t acknowledge me, or my needs, and in which the teacher shows up unprepared for what’s before her. That said, I feel most at ease, impressed, inspired and challenged up-level my own teaching when the teacher does the following:

• Makes eye contact with her students and acknowledges each one throughout the class
• Manages light, sound, and other sensory influences students may be sensitive to, so that the environment feels easy to land in, comfortable, and serene
• Says what is necessary, and shares some of her story, but leaves plenty of time for silent integration
• Pauses the class and invites students to surround her, or another student, who will demonstrate the next pose with their full attention on that new posture before attempting it themselves
• Arrives in her body, having met her own needs, and can spend the hour plus with the students with her attention on them!
• Has a plan, and maintains flexibility. She notices, or asks, about students needs and incorporates a language and asana to meet them where they are
• Brings in a teaching that has impacted her and acknowledges her own path of learning as continual and lifelong

As you prepare your next class, you might choose to experiment with one of these habits and see how it challenges, inspires and transforms not only your teaching, but your connection with the students and their experience as well.

Self-Love isn’t cheesy or egotistical. It’s honest, heartfelt acceptance of who you are. While it can be challenging, you’ve got it in you. Seriously!

Embracing a Lifestyle of Self-Love has given me the:

• Fearlessness to pursue my dreams
• Ability to ask for what I want and get it
• Belief that I have unique, desirable and powerful gifts to offer the world

I practice self-love with self-massage, aka Abhyanga.

In Sanskrit, abhyanga means self massage with warm oil. Snehana is the sanskrit word for oil but it also translates to love.

When we touch our skin, we have the opportunity to practice ahimsa, non-harming. More so, we have the choice to face ourselves fully, to practice acceptance, to embrace our beauty and our mess; we have a choice to love.

Injesting Through the Skin

If you’re a daily lotion go-get-’er, with seldom self-touch henceforth,  then you may feel quite hesitant. I hear ya sister! I used to oggle over the perfumey body lotions, too. Until I understood that my skin, like my gut, takes into my body, my bloodstream, everything I put on it! If you want to investigate how your go-to products hold up to being hazard-free for your body, search the EWG Cosmetics Database to get the real scoop!

The Intention

Before massaging, know that it’s ok to start where you are, even if where you are is just an intention to practice.

If your intention is rooted in love you’ll approach your practice of oil-massage mindfully aware of your own tenderness. You’ll be open to being compassionate with what you feel when you place your own hand on your arm, foot, head or belly. You’ll carry out the action of self-massage with kindness, gentleness, and in full acceptance of whatever experience you have, even if you slip into rushing, or get agitated or bored, and skip out early.

If even considering self-massage seems like a huge deal for you, you’re surprised you’ve read this far, or you have had some trying experiences with touch that leave you nervous, confused or longing, know that you are in good, courageous company. This practice is meant to cultivate safety, ease, nourishment, and enable us to embrace the the truth: that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, perfect, whole and beautiful creations. We are all equally valuable and beautiful in our uniqueness– yes, you are, too!

Love Through Your Hands

During Abhyanga, our personal laying on of hands, like a prayer of gratitude for who we are, affirms our belief of this truth, and frees us to love ourselves more fully, which, my friends, opens up a world of opportunities that will astound you!

If your hesitation is anxiety provoking, take your time. You may read about abhyanga many times before you practice it fully. You may practice on just one hand for months before exploring other parts of your body. Begin where you are, as you are.  Your sisterhood of courageous self-lovers is alongside you.

Ok, so here we go, let’s get our self-love on.

How To Practice Self-Love with Self Massage

Abhyanga Oil Massage

Quick & Easy On The Daily:

1. Choose A Time. Before or after you bath? After you rise or before bed?
2. Warm Your Oil. Store it in a glass or BPA-free plastic container. Place container in bowl of hot water for about 5 minutes to warm before your massage.
3. Apply As A Moisturizer. Cover your body evenly.
4. Massage One Body Part, 1 Minute. You might start with your head, ears, hands, low back or feet.
5. Clean up excess oil. Send dish soap down your drain if necessary, use designated towel* to make skin clothing-ready if not showering after. Choose a towel that you’ll keep just for this practice and never put in the dryer to avoid dryer fires!
6. Observe the impacts. Check in with yourself at the end of the day or beginning of the next day. What’s different from the day before? How was your sleep? Your emotional state?)

Dive Deeper
Once or twice weekly make a date to go deeper with your self love practice.  Here are the steps to take this self love with self massage practice even further:

1. Believe You Deserve Love. Pause to affirm why self-love matters to you. Write an affirmation you will see regularly. Something like, “I love the skin I’m in,” or “I’m cultivating a practice of self-loving awareness.” & post it on your bathroom mirror.
2. Be Accountable. Put it in your calendar or tell a friend or loved one your plan.
3. Beautify Your Space. Clean away the clutter, light a candle, warm the room and your oil, and lay out your towel beneath where you will sit for your massage, in order to catch excess oil. (Traditionally, Abhyanga is practiced before heating the body in the shower or sauna to open the pores and let the oil seep in. What’s most important is that you’re warm enough before, after or during your massage for the oil to be absorbed. I find it especially nice in the winter to apply oil after I shower and leave the thin layer on all day. It’s like a little blanket of love.
4. Acquire the appropriate oils. I recommend sesame in the winter, or if your skin tends to be dry and rough. For warmer bodies or slightly oily skin, choose coconut. If you’re oil averse, simply use your bare hands. No matter what choose high quality organic oils. Remember, your skin has to digest them!
5. Apply Love. Use long strokes on your long bones, circular motions on your joints.
   •  When in doubt or anxious, start with the crown of your head, and slowly move toward your feet, letting your breath and body guide you.
   • When sluggish, unmotivated, or in the morning, move from toe to head.
   • During a cleanse, start with your appendages and move toward your navel and downward in the direction of elimination.
6. Bask In Your Love Be still and observe the impacts of your self-massage. Notice throughout the day how loving yourself impacts your interactions with others, the way you order your day, the words you speak in jest, how others look to you, and how you’re attachment to what other’s think, shifts. Accept your experience as true to this moment, whether it was wonderful or challenging, or both.

Self Massage Warning

If you encounter resistance, start with an accessible body part, like your fingers. Let the practice of loving all of you take as long as it needs. We have resistance for different reasons. If there is pain in your past that arise, be gentle. Perhaps you simply sit and enjoy the warm room and deep breathing the first few times you practice.

Let the practice be about cultivating beauty, connection, and appreciation for your body, mind, and spirit.

Read through these tips to uplevel your practice.

For a successful self-loving self-massage endeavor, remember to set an intention of love, pay attention while you practice being kind to yourself, and let the process unfold in it’s own time.

May you leave your cozy bathroom, singing:

“I’ve got nothing, nothing, but love for you, honey. I’ve got nothing, nothing, but love…” —May Erlewine

And perhaps, like me, love for yourself will shock you, and call you into your life’s work of living it.

Enjoy the experience!

I am absolutely not telling you here to go into super analytical mode about whether you love well enough, or to spend more energy loving others. In fact, I recommend the opposite. I’m inviting you today to turn your love inward, and spend more time loving you, especially this season, especially right now.

How is it that you most enjoy offering love to others? With words? With touch? With random acts of kindness? With gifts? With time? Which of these five love languages you communicate most fluently with others may point to how you’d like to receive love as well. Notice what stands out to you in your general giving practices. As yourself how you would like to receive attention, acknowledgement, affirmation, love.

This may require some reflection, introspection, and eh hem, loving yourself as your neighbor. For how can you “love your neighbor as yourself” if you’re not in the practice of loving yourself?

What would your life be like if you could give and receive exactly as you wish, for the benefit of someone most dear to you—you! And know that this gift to self would only benefit others you love?

Ok, so you might not feel like you are the most dear to you. But I promise you, loving yourself will expand your potential to give and receive love in the ways that serve and suit you best.

Self- Love; Selfish or Fearless?

Not so many days ago, I offered a free talk and workshop entitled, “But isn’t self-love selfish?,” and “Fearless Self-Love,” respectively.

When I asked participants what kind of woman they think of when they hear the word selfish, they described one who is:

• A bulldozing bully, who doesn’t listen to others
• Angry rushed and takes without giving in return
• Self-protected, gluttonous, disconnected

When I asked about one who embodies dignity and integrity, they described a woman who is:

• Resilient, but not always available to be engaged with those around her
• Shameless about her self-care, driven to do what’s right
• Curious, open and focused on the truth

While I wasn’t surprised with the dichotomy of responses, I still felt amazed by how resistant we are to acting with concern for our own welfare, for fear that it will, absolutely, harm others if we do so. Even Merriam-Webster describes this tricky word, selfish, as one that implies that we do not regard others in actions that focus exclusively on ourselves.

Essential Self-Love

I recall interviewing my contemporary, and friend, Dave Cavnar asking him what he thought might be different about being selfish or self-loving.

He said he didn’t think there was a difference between being selfish or self-loving.

And he implied there ought not be shame in taking care of ourselves; it’s essential. I agreed immediately with the second part, but the first was hard to swallow, still is.

“We teach best what we most need to learn”  -Richard Bach

Those things that have been the hardest for me to learn, I am still learning, and therefore, teaching most. I’m often mindlessly

drawn by my old familiar self back into the old habits that tempt me to believe I really haven’t learned anything, that beg me to doubt my own progress. I can only offer teachings of self love, because I still need to learn them. Teaching them lures me back into their magic.

I teach self-love, because I’ve been so broken open by striving to lure love out of others that I’ve lost sight of how to love myself.

I teach self-love, because, though I’ve fallen hard for this painful lesson, it’s still the easiest one for me to trip on….again and again.

Hearing Dave equate selfishness with self-love hit an edge I’m not quite ready to hold onto. I prefer the familiar, worn down, and well-rounded paths of excusing myself from asking in full for what I need, of judging others for not thinking of me first, of doing what I insist is essential for a relationship, a job, a day to continue without stirring the pot enough to boil over, which has a tendency to leave me undercooked, and hard to digest.

At times I resist, so much, being selfish that I deny my own basic needs for

• Warm enough clothing,
• Using the bathroom when I need to,
• Hydrating sufficiently.

And also my deeper human needs for:

• Empathy,
• Reassurance,
• Choosing how I fulfill my own dreams, goals and values.

I resist being selfish so much, that often I am not self-loving.

Is our language, our culture a set up? What’s a girl to do without a template for self-love?

Consider this:

You’re tired, achy, overworked. It’s your sister’s birthday, and you only have a little extra cash on hand. You book her a massage. As you hand her the card and gift certificate, you notice a little clenching around your throat and in your chest. You think, “I need that massage! I’m always giving away what I need most!”

If you can relate this may be a heads up that it’s time to turn some of that magnificent love that you so freely give others, inward.

Let’s Make a Self-Love Date!

1. Start by booking time to make a plan, 15 minutes will do.
2. Set yourself up for success by blocking off ample time to transition out of your hectic schedule, enjoy the activity you choose, and process or integrate your practice before re-engaging with your familiar schedule.
3. Tell someone else your plan and ask her/him to follow up with you after your scheduled self-love date to ask you how it went!

Here are some options for magnificent self-love:

• Book a massage with a local practitioner OR practice Warm Oil Self Massage (how-to coming soon!)
• Cozy Night In with your smart phone on airplane mode, your favorite book or your open journal
• Register for a  restorative, gentle or Yin Yoga class (don’t forget to schedule in time for a quiet cup of tea afterward!)

And if you’re more likely to follow through if you get a little love back for loving yourself, post a picture of yourself or your preparation for your self-love date on the Yogahealer facebook page, and we’ll all give you a round of applause, and a bunch of emoji affirmation 😉

For some of those work before play types, you may have to trick yourself into thinking this date with yourself is a reward. Once you make it a habit to experience this magic, you will find it is essential to care for and love yourself, without abandon.

You might even find that the reward is the doing the task you used to prioritize with much more ease, patience, kindness, attention, and … love!

So, what do you think – Is self-love selfish? Does it ultimately serve your loved ones to be the resilient-never-needs-time-alone-independent-efficiency-guru? Or does this practiced behavior simply feed your convinced-it’s-selfless ego, leaving you depleted and your loves witnesses of your stress and distraction?

Now it’s up to you. All some want for Christmas is their two front teeth, others, hippopotamuses, and still others, a little time alone with their breath.

What about you? Choose. Plan. Tell Someone. Do it. Celebrate.

Namaste Dear Ones.

This year I’ll gather my concerns and hopes, my misgivings and gratitudes, at tables belonging to new friends, who are distant from my Michigan family.

I can picture tables prepared by all the mothers in my life, pie-crust leaf shapes topping baked apples and pumpkin fillings and the hub-bub of table-setting and gathering guests, waiting, wine in hand, as a few scurry about the kitchen.

Curiously, though, the scurriers are not at ease. An edginess has crept into their preparations, a seeking of perfection.

A more pleasing appearance — dishes that look like they’re preparing to be featured in Nourished Kitchen’s food blog or on a cooking show–  is worth a delay in dinner time. Ironically, it’s not clear in this hustle what we’re hustling for. Or perhaps it’s very clear: a hustle to keep up appearances, a hustle to meet others’ expectations, a hustle to maintain tradition.

In the hustle, there’s no room for reflection. What are these holidays really about? And what, exactly, are we celebrating?

Maybe hustling and rushing help us feel productive.

Maybe productivity is our priority at all costs. And maybe we’ve allowed this feeling to define who we are and supply us with a sense of self-worth. We do it with many things — our work, our personal to do list, our vacation bucket list– that we don’t take the time to understand deeply.

We hustle so much we wouldn’t know what flow felt like if it swept us off our feet!

Likely we’d resist the flow and focus on planting our feet on the ground again so we could get right back in the groove of pushing, striving, and making things happen. We’re so conditioned to seek approval from ourselves and others for completing tasks that we might even blame flow for slowing us down.

I can picture tables prepared by all the mothers in my life, pie-crust leaf shapes topping baked apples and pumpkin fillings and the hub-bub of table-setting and gathering guests, waiting, wine in hand, as a few scurry about the kitchen. Curiously, though, the scurriers are not at ease.

An edginess has crept into their preparations, a seeking of perfection.

A more pleasing appearance — dishes that look like they’re preparing to be featured in Nourished Kitchen’s food blog or on a cooking show–  is worth a delay in dinner time. Ironically, it’s not clear in this hustle what we’re hustling for. Or perhaps it’s very clear: a hustle to keep up appearances, a hustle to meet others’ expectations, a hustle to maintain tradition.

In the hustle, there’s no room for reflection. What are these holidays really about?

Have you experienced this? You get in the groove of what seems like an admirable habit of hard work. You get up and report to the people you’re supposed to report to, deliver the things you’re supposed to deliver, show up for the classes you’ve paid for, follow through on your commitments, and at the end of the day or week, when there just might be a minute, or for heaven’s sake, an hour, to breathe, you can’t. You watch those around you pull out a beloved book, choose a movie, draw a picture or a bath, and you continue to hustle.

About a month ago, I had a full day dedicated to letting things flow. On the couch next to me was a book-reading guy who was completely at ease. While my book rested, I scrolled through my internal to-do list, not work-related tasks, but things I wanted to do for friends, family, and even myself. I ended up spending much of the morning carefully writing the words of a friend in colorful markers, to hang on the wall of her new yoga studio, words we all need to hear, words I wasn’t listening to in the moment: “You Are Enough.”

You Are Enough

I see no problem in wanting to do things for others be it roasting a turkey or vegetables, baking a pie, or writing a letter. In fact, I love this about myself. What I don’t love is how easily I’ve allowed my opportunities to rest to be filled with more tasks.

Shauna Niequist, in her new read, Present Over Perfect, offers this sobering  insight:

“We disappoint people because we are limited. We have to accept the idea that we’ll disappoint people. I have this much time. I have this much energy. I have this much relational capacity.”

I heard these words in my blood and in my heart and stepped away from major outside obligations and prioritized time outside in nature. I am still learning how to honor these words with commitments I make to myself. When I have a day to rest I often choose to somehow still be productive.

You see, I thought I was resting.

For nearly six months, I’ve lived in a new place surrounded by mountains with few obligations. I thought I was resting. What I’ve realized is that more than resting, I have been isolating, pulling away, retreating. I think deep down I believed there were only two options: hustle or no hustle. I forgot about flow.

In the past, flow for me happened on days something outside of myself  put me in a good mood. As a young child, it was my birthday; as a teenager, it was my crush admiring me; as an adult, it was landing a job that boosted my income.

Since studying Yoga, Ayurveda, and the science of habit change, and then teaching my own students, what I’ve realized is that flow, what Body Thrivers call Easeful Living, doesn’t come from some gold star another presses approvingly on my homework. Flow comes from aligning my life — my daily actions — with what I want overall: a sustainable income, respect for my work, and connection with ease, flow, joy.

Without intentional implementation of a dinacharya, daily life can feel like just as much of a teeter-totter as the holidays: resting, nourishing, and over-sleeping on one end; hustling, engaging, and over-extending on the other.

Can you relate? It’s tricky for me to justify leaving a crowded room to be alone — walking quietly or sighing and cozying into a couch — while there is chaos bustling in the background.

What works for me to find that in-between space, that sense of flow, is building a habit of intentional pause.

“What I find now, though, is that the stillness is where I feel safe and grounded, and that the frantic living spins me away from myself, from my center, from my new and very precious awareness of how deeply I’m loved. I return to the silence to return to love.”–Shauna Niequist

Before the festivities begin, schedule time on your calendar for you. Honor it like your well-being depends on it. It does. Set aside some time (five minutes to an hour, so easy you can’t say no to it)  1) for self-care, doing something you love that will nourish you, and 2) for planning what you need for the days ahead, including:

• How much time do you need for yourself between holiday events?
• How many side dishes are realistic for you to prepare?
• How you be yourself, even around those with whom you strongly disagree about politics, careers, and loves?
• Are there ways you can still flow, without shutting down, without escaping, and without making your time with others a hustle?
• Who can hold you accountable? Who can safely suggest to you that you’re ready for more flow?

Then, cultivate a new habit, like one of these below, before you enter the house where you will be a guest for a holiday event or before you answer the phone.

Choose one. Make a plan. Follow through.

• Pause for just one, fully present breath. On your inhale, invite in the crisp air and your intention to connect authentically with those you’re about to see. On your exhale, release.
• Give yourself permission to feel whatever arises. You might practice naming emotions like anger, fear, sorrow, regret, as well as hope, peace, connection, or relief.
• Call a person in your life who understands you, loves you, and lets you vent. Tell her you’re blown away by her steadfast love.
• Inform those with you’re planning to spend time with of your boundaries. Be clear about your availability and honor yourself by leaving when you need to. It’s like coming out of a yoga pose before it’s urgent.

And in all this, let it flow: the pain, the joy, the thinking you should be elsewhere, and the commitment you made to be here now. Commit to embedding specific moments of pause, commit to meeting your own needs. You can do this in turmoil; you can do this in the winter; and you can do this during the holidays. You are enough. You are in the flow.

Sometimes we are in tune with what we need, and sometimes we crave the opposite.

Right?

Like when we’d rather go work a dead-end job for someone else than pave our way for our dream business?

I’ve done it a dozen times.

The Search for Security

My panic voice — ”I’m not going to make it, I can’t pull off this healthy-living guidance lifestyle, I’m going to end up on a couch in my parents’ basement.”

I start applications for 5 local food or community-organizing jobs, for which I am well-qualified; I emote to loved ones about how awesome those jobs would be and see their confused expressions as they try to support me in yet another direction.

Then, I pray — inviting the divine after taking a few steps away from my heart’s calling, toward what feels like safety.

Usually, that’s when I remember why I am on this path. I already have everything I need.

What I don’t need is to run.

Sure, I need stability of work and income. Sure, defined tasks at hand and a consistent schedule would give me structure and settle my anxious mind. What I truly need, though, is to live a life, aligned. Aligned with my deep heart longing to open myself, and my story of fearless self-love, to the world.

That panic I mentioned? It’s usually accompanied by late nights and groggy mornings, over-eating, and brushing off my morning routine for the more sleep that I tell myself I need for processing my mind flutter and clutter.

When I wake with a mind still craving to flee, and instead switch on my light and get up, everything changes.

Start the Day Right

Starting my day with ease is always the precursor to living ease fully throughout my day. Like dominos tipping-off one after the other, turning on my light cues feet on the ground, cues boiling hot water, cues elimination, cues meditation, cues movement. You know the drill. With one habit following the next in a rhythm, there is less frantic self-talk, and more room for creativity, less subconscious problem-solving and more ah-ha!’s and hazzah!’s that renew excitement for my next course, client, or even, business-planning retreat.

Here’s what I mean. Recently, after being up surprisingly late for good reason, I could have easily justified sleeping in. I know from habit-science, my Ayurveda teachers,  and my own experience, that regardless of when I get to sleep, getting up at a consistent time is my keystone.

I got up.

I went through the dinacharya domino, and once outside, as feet tapped pavement, nose took in cool mountain air, and eyes basked in snow-capped mountain view, ideas and decisions started coursing through my mind. Clarity replaced confusion. Doubt wasn’t invited on my morning jog, and I returned to bubble over with a short, but eager task-list I prioritized before other work.

Moments like this don’t feel real. I’m used to the struggle. Even as it becomes less frequent, and I settle into ease, the vibrancy I feel with renewed enthusiasm surprises me.

What does this have to do with having everything I need?

What does this have to do with having everything I need? When in a low, low moment, my life coach encouraged the mantra “I have everything I need.” Desperate, and wishing it were true, I started using it. The words would quiver over shaky heart  when I all but doubted their truth. They brought me back into the moment, because I am a skeptic. When I looked hard for proof that they were in fact true, gratitude for safety, connection, compassion, opportunity, and beauty followed.

It became exceedingly challenging to simultaneously be grateful, and quiver in doubt

So on that morning run, the gratitudes came easily, they’ve become habit. The brisk fall air, the icy mountain ridges in view, my steady stride, my pup at my knee, a quiet road…

Gratitude made room for possibility. Without believing I have everything I need, or at least some things I need, I can’t be grateful. As soon as I acknowledge gratitude, it becomes kryptonite for doubt. There is a clarity, and an opening for ease.

My steps for the process are like this:

What are your steps?

My guess is that you’re easeful living vibe stems from your keystone habit. That is, a habit that when firmly in place, locks the whole thing together; the other habits have a leader to follow, and follow suit. What’s key for me is getting up before the sun, regardless of my bedtime. This paves the way for acknowledging I have everything I need. Believing this truth, I ease up. Life becomes….ahhhh.