My first morning I went outside to give it a try. It had snowed the night before and was a couple degrees celsius below freezing. I looked at the trough after walking barefoot through the snow to get there. It was beautiful, the decision had been made months ago and so without too much thought I broke the ice with my foot, dropped my towel and sat into the freezing cold water. I worked to calm my breath to trust enough to lay back and cover up to my neck. I had started a stop watch just out of curiosity and a minute and a half later I got out of the water. I was cold, but by the time I went back in the house and dried off, the cold was not a factor and it was unquestionably worthwhile as I felt that I truly knew what it meant to be alive. It was like each cell in my body was awake; a very, very different experience than rolling out of bed in the morning.

The after effects of these cold plunges continued to pull me in, I would feel the need to feel awake and alive in a way that I couldn’t by other means. I would be struggling in the morning to make a plan, make decisions, choose what to do with the day. I was at a crossroads and trying to weave my way through an uncertain fog, so I would cold dip and feel a clarity in myself, what I truly wanted, needed, and felt called to manifest. Uncertainty became the trigger for the habit of cold dips. The thought of ‘how does anyone ever make a decision without first going into cold water?’ would come to mind. With a mantra like this, uncertainty feels like empowerment. The world gives us chaos and we plunge it into cold water and come out more ourselves, with greater clarity, direction, calm, and conviction.

I started to look for opportunities to be in cold water. Doing dips a few times a day, trying out when it felt best, what it was like to do it as a bedtime routine and still be able to fall asleep quickly. I went on a road trip into the mountains in spring and wondered how I could bring this forward. There are always cold showers available, but they don’t seem to offer me the same journey as a minute or two submerged. One morning I went for a run on a trail. I planned to return to the house and grab a towel, then go to the boat launch and have my cold dip, being able to scoot back to the house quickly if needed to rewarm. However, the trail ran along the river, was secluded, and had many lookout points with access to the water. On my way back I decided to try a mid-run dip. It was wonderful, much easier when my body was warm before and nice to be able to walk right into a calm river rather than having to sit or lay back in my trough. I returned home awake and inspired by how easy this could be now that I was looking for the opportunity!

The next morning, now in a different town at a different friend’s house, I once again went out for a morning run. I ran up, up, up, feeling the need to push my muscles and stretch my strength. I thought about cold dips and where I could find one. From here I had to go down to the river and then back up to get home. Today I was wearing shorts and a long sleeve rather than the previous day of pants and a jacket. Hmmm…. Once again the opportunity for experimentation. I ran down to the river and went for a skinny dip. It was harder to find a place to fully submerge but the water was very cold and I made it work. I put my shorts and long sleeve back on and felt fine, my legs a little heavy and my body a bit more alive.

As I returned home, my hands were fine. I have suffered from rainoids for as long as I can remember, losing the circulation to at least a couple of my fingers from touching a cold steering wheel or looking at a cold river. But I was fine! Was this just the circumstance of running first and then dipping, or were the cumulative cold dips having a healing and strengthening effect on me? It feels almost too good to be true that simply spending just a couple minutes a day could cure me of this poor circulation disorder, but at the same time it makes total sense. We are training our blood vessels to close and open, like lifting weights. Now rather than my extremities being closed off regularly, my body was strong enough to keep the blood flowing, how amazing! As I reflected on that morning run, I realized that I would have definitely caused rainoids previously by getting cold and keeping my hands uncovered.

This brought the question to mind that I have sat with before as I heal old patterns and injuries. Am I ready to let go of this challenge/disability/injury? If I let go of it, allow it to heal, forget it ever happened, it means I am letting go of the potential attention, empathy, and conversation with others surrounding this topic. The care they would offer when I lose feeling in my hands and my ghostly fingers are not capable of the slightest of tasks. When we let go of these opportunities we let go of the means for connection in this way. Could I connect with others over being healthy, strong, and vibrant? The bigger question: am I open to my identity shifting in a big way through a seemingly small change in my body? That is really what has the potential to ripple out from this recovery. I am becoming a new person, connecting with others in a new way, open to change and growth with the available space and attention not used up by empathy for an injury that is no longer mine. I am the type of person who seeks out new and healing experiences and pays attention to what happens, I am the type of person who cold plunges.

And when I do this in community with my intentional health inspired comrades, it’s lightning for the soul—we strike it rich, finding new vitality and direction together. In a word, it’s electric.

This time I’m also reflecting on Easeful Living as a keystone Body Thrive habit—a choice to be softer and more gentle with my inner boundary setting during intentional detox time. I have the archetypal Inner Rebel always within me. She keeps me focused on my freedom. How can I become even more sovereignand self-loving within all of my cells?

Getting lighter with meals I come to these memories: I am 12 years old when I first gather in my rebellion the ability to say NO to over-eating. It’s 1991.

My dad regularly demands that my brother and I finish all the food on our plates. Food is important to him. He genuinely puts his love into it. He’s grown up in a poor immigrant family and his mother is in the habit of saying “You don’t have a pot to piss in” like it’s her number one mantra.

One evening at dinner my dad drills us with his usual finish your food speech.

But this time I say, “NO!”

He says, “Finish your food; there are starving children in China!”

I grab a manila envelope, dump all my chicken and pasta into it, address it to “CHINA”, lick it shut, and toss it in the middle of the table. “Fine! Send it to CHINA!”

Clearly, “China” is a space inside my dad’s mind, shaped by past lived-experience, an ethos about food or the lack thereof. There are ancestral stories upon stories in this encounter. But my truth is that overeating is not working for my body.

A few years later I am with my first boyfriend. His parents are divorced and his dad is emotionally checked out after three tours in the Vietnam war. Their empty refrigerator makes a deep impression on me. There is nothing in it, save for a bottle of generic mustard or a Diet Coke. He comes to our house to eat. Maybe my dad is right, maybe I should eat all the food on my plate.

I’m 19 living in Thailand after I graduate from high school. I stay for a time at Wat Pah Nanachat International Forest Monastery. I walk barefoot at dawn through the nearby village with the ordained monks receiving alms in giant brass bowls. We bring the abundant food offerings back to the monastery to distribute for our one meal a day. In my first week I take too much food for fear of becoming hungry. I force myself to eat it all. I am sick for five days. I cannot breathe to meditate. My tissues gasp in the discomfort of excess.

I am 21 and living in a college dormitory at the University of Wisconsin. I dine three meals a day on Food Service of America cafeteria food. The trays are large. A mountain of food enters my experience. I fall asleep in composition class after overeating. I realize that food consumed beyond fullness is food wasted on my body all the same. If the food is heading to a landfill and I overeat it to stop it from going there, then I become the landfill. No thank you. Game changer!

These memories come to me as I make space in my body to redefine my identity according to my inner NO—with foods, relationships, with tasks and activities and the timing of them. Why is the NO sometimes harder to define and stand tall in? Excess appeals to our sense of value in yes and more. For me, the desire to please others has led me to many unaligned YESes. The fear of not-enough makes me say yes to things I’m not actually yearning to experience.

During this detox I arrive at my truth. No more unaligned YESes. They just become messes. And it doesn’t have to turn into a fight inside of myself, a throw down, a food stuffed envelope smacked on the table with shouting and pinched faces. Or a sacred duty to accept more into my experience than I need. Or a self-hatred induced impoverishment of imagination. I can become who I want to become.

Rhythm brings peacefulness and ease. And with ease, my Inner Rebel becomes a willing disciple of aligned FLOW. And it’s an undomesticated, uncultured flow. My flow. Inner Rebels help us keep our innate wildness intact.

Who are we now? We are the supple, unadulterated ground of the Cosmos choosing its future shape.

Go detox revelations! Go steady, ever-ready identity evolution!

I facilitate programs that encourage people to move their bodies outside with nature. There are many names for describing this, like: recreation counselor or fitness instructor. I work in the fields of outdoor behavioral health, ecopsychology, and lifestyle medicine. Regardless of what it is called, we use nature as therapy, or for growth, or leisure, because of course, we are deeply wholly connected to it. Regular doses of nature are the remedy. It contributes to our health and to that of our planet. People who live and work outdoors become stewards and take responsibility to conserve and regenerate our ecosystem.

We can use outdoor programs of all kinds as a health prevention tool for humans and for our ecosystem. Exercising, working, and healing outdoors does however present many challenges. It helps to have guidelines for decision making, a compass so to speak. My profession has morphed and shaped through many forms, from midwife to farmer to personal trainer, to emergency medic, to adventure guide, and to health coach. I would like to share with you the systems model for decision making that I use. It is the Wise Woman Steps of Healing that I learned from my teacher Whapio Diane Bartlett when I was training at LaMatrona Holistic Midwifery.

The Tao of Midwifery was our mantra: when the midwife’s work is done it disappears. Success in contributing to empowerment means that the client will be able to say, “I did it” not “I couldn’t have done it without you”. That’s how the midwife’s work is supposed to disappear. I see how this fits with adventure programming leadership, being a mother, being a personal trainer and in all the work I do.

Really the Wise Woman Steps of Healing can be applied to anything. The steps are first: Do Nothing; next Gather Information; then Work with the Energy; Nourish and Tone; Stimulate and Sedate; last only when necessary is Break and Enter. Each of these steps can have actions or medicines that are used for each purpose to activate and bring safety and wellness as much as possible. We rely mostly on the first four steps, resorting to the last more in crisis situations. Explained in the next section are the first four: Do Nothing. Gather information. Work with the Energy. Nourish and Tone. If we always promote the first four in the beginning, we safeguard the process. It is always important to set up the first steps. The last step is rarely necessary or helpful.

By Do Nothing, we mean be mindful, be at peace. Let the mountain speak for itself. Have faith in an outcome that is greater than you can direct or ever imagine. It also means having faith in the ability of the people around you. This is always the first step. The second step is Gather Information. Here we find out what the group and individuals’ goals are. It’s active listening. What medical needs or physical handicaps do they have. Only after letting go completely of your control over a situation and then finding out what they want, and need can you then begin to put your ideas or your will/mark on it. This is at the heart of empowerment I believe.  Also within the Gather Information step is to learn about your client population in general as well as about terrain and technical skills that overtime enable you to improve your judgment. Nourish & Tone is taking the time to meet people where they are, giving what help is needed and asked for. In outdoor adventure programming it’s sequencing for optimum safety and building on their strengths. Making sure people don’t go beyond their learning zone into the terror zone, however pushing them gently into their learning zones outside of their comfort zones but only for their benefit.

Stimulate and Sedate takes challenging to another level. This could be where you may or may not breach your scope of practice. And regardless of your field, your profession or your title, you should always be careful not to overstep the line. Stimulate, at one end of the spectrum is where you’re challenging people to their maximum capacity. I’ll use the example of a healing strategy used at Shunda Creek Treatment Center, where I interned.  Clients are welcomed with rhythms and rituals of love and support specifically organized to dispel shame. They are given personal time and space to feel safe and talk when and how they are ready. Playful games and activities create a nest. Clients choose which modalities they will focus on for creating their own recovery plan. Only in the last weeks of an intervention, once participants have had a solid 10 weeks or more of care, of skills learning as well as many small challenges building up to this bigger peak challenge, does it start to have the full look and feel Stimulating, in the sense of the Wise Woman Steps. They are brought to the deepest challenge, so that they are triggered but still within an emotionally safe setting. On the opposite pole within this same step is Sedation. By Sedation we mean: bringing people back into their comfort zones, even going so far as numbing them even. TV or funny cat you-tube-vegging out without having any physical or mental effort is an example of sedation. It is important to take down time for recovery especially in a therapeutic setting. Stimulating and sedating can be used interchangeably in long outdoor expeditions or intense settings for therapeutic purposes. Sedation is used for basic recreation too, in that we use entertainment as a form of recreation. It can be used by giving individuals time away from the group. Or taking down time after a long demanding week of work. Meditation, prayer or sitting in silence is an important aspect of all forms of recovery. This is different from sedation in that it also includes attention and connection to something greater but it does share some flavors of sorts.

The last step, the one least often necessary and most often not recommended is Break and Enter. Itis the idea that we force people to do things they don’t want to do. Crossing the line from Stimulating and Sedating to Break and Enter is not always clear and obvious. Consent is a strong determinant. As a leader sometimes, usually for safety, it’s necessary to make that call. It’s definitely an action you want to refrain from if at all possible.At the same time it’s common that people have doubts and we’re to encourage them. There is a place for all of these steps in leadership. And most importantly actions can fit in different steps depending on Attitude, Intention and Dose. Different trades, roles, or ranks have more or less license to use tools of Break & Enter, and of all the steps for that matter  in their scope in the proper circumstances. An herbal medicine could fall in Nourish and Tone, or Stimulate and Sedate, depending on its chemical properties and biological effects. Same with giving advice: using or recommending drugs, over the counter, prescription or recreational,  and self-medicating could fall into any of the steps. What it is matters but so does who you are, where you are, and the person in front of you. Surgery of all forms usually fits into this category but getting consent gives it some Nourish and Tone like qualities. In emergencies, there are times where we’re not able to get true consent.

And sometimes we defer our own authority. Sometimes it’s taken fairly, other times unjustly. In counseling or in coaching will there be feedback? Are people correctly understood? Are we pathologizing? Is it helpful, as in: if I say this, will it be Nourishing? Toning or am I pushing into Stimulating/ Sedating or could this be a Break and Enter?

Telling someone something they don’t want to hear can have a little or a lot of the spice of Break & Enter. On the other hand sometimes our own denial can be harmful and it helps to trust an outside source over our own judgment. Other times we might be getting help for people we care about who don’t want it, but we fight for them anyway we can because we have hope for something better. There are many of wise women who’ve navigated these choppy waters. They play the balance between Doing Nothing-trusting, Gathering Information -listening, Nourishing, Toning and moving carefully, stealthily, and briefly into Stimulate, Sedate, Break & Enter– in order to overcome obstacles.

Whether we’re talking about defense, combat, positive psychology, religious debate or medical advice: fighting, challenging & pushing is tricky, that’s why we use a compass and guidelines. Finding that balance can be messy. We may have to fight for ourselves, advocate within systems that don’t always have our best interest or haven’t fully understood what we do. And then there’s mistakes of course, which we all make.  Miss steps of all kinds: misunderstandings, mislabeling, misdiagnosing, or wrongfully interpreting. Can land no matter which one of the wise woman steps. It is important to ask for help. Use referrals and seek allies. The steps are fluid. The wise woman is careful. She uses the Wise Woman Steps as a safety web to question all of her actions. 

Thanks for reading my blog. Please let me know what you think. In comments or elsewhere. Love, Danielle 12-7-2021.

References

I would like to honor here more of my teachers.. Firstmost my wise mom Lori Gouin.  Earth angel Grandma Emilia Chevalier. Whapio Diane Bartlett for sharing the Wise Woman Steps when I was a wee baby midwife.  She built on these from Susun Weed’s original and  I have continued to weave into them my own personal professional guidelines as a member of American Council on Exercise, American College of Sports Medicine, and Association for Experiential Learning. I’ve added what I’ve learned from Keith Russell and my professors at Recreation WWU, Randy Burtz, Jasmine Goodnow, Melissa D’Eloia and Lindsay Poynter, from yoga + movement healing arts: Beth Collins health and Fitness Program chair at Skagit Valley College, Niki Meyers and Y12SR, Scotty Lewis and 5Rhythms,  Michelle Thielen Sozo & Somatics and Cate Stillman’s Body Thrive and Yoga Health Coaching.

Becker, S. P. (2010). Wilderness therapy:ethical considerations for mental health professionals . Child Youth Care Forum, 47-61.

Blanchette, A. W. (2010, Sept 14). The clinical theory and practice of outdoor behavioral healthcare. Regent University. Virginia Beach,VA.

Brymer, E., Davids, K., & Mallabon, L. (2013). Understanding the psychological health and well-being benefits of physical activity in nature: an ecological dynamics analysis. Ecopsychology, 189-197.

Dawson, & Russell, K. C. (2012). Wilderness experience programs state of knowledge.

Ewert, A. (2014). Military veterans and the use of adventure education experiences in natural environments for therapeutic outcomes. Ecopsychology, 155-164 .

Exploring the foundation of nature’s role in adventure therapy. (2011).

Greenway, R. (1995). The wilderness effect and ecopsychology. 123-135.

Jelalian, E., Mehlenbeck, R., Lloyd-Richardson, E. E., Birmaher, V., & Wing, R. R. (2006). ‘Adventure therapy’ combined with cognitive-behavioral treatment for overweight adolescents. International Journal of Obesity, 31-39.Moote, G. T., & Wodarski, J. S. (1997). The acquisition of life skills through adventure-based activities and programs: a review of the literature. Adolescence, 143-177.

There was a period when I was a frequent visitor of my acupuncturists, Ross and Andrew. However, my acupuncture visits have stretched further apart. This has been especially noticeable since I have more fully embodied the 10 Body Thrive habits. On this occasion, Ross was in session and he quickly got down to examining my pulse with rapt attention. When he was done, he opened his eyes and said, “On an energy scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest, how much power do you think we should put behind our efforts to drive our every action?”

As my visits were for recharging my drained adrenals, I admired yet another way Ross had found to deliver his imminent lesson in energy management. I had an urge to say 10 or a cheeky 11, but managed to keep my old identity and propensity for wanting to pack every moment of life with excitement and intensity, in check.

“Between 7 and 8” I replied zenly.  “No”, Ross said, “it’s 6.2 – a very exact number. I found it in an ancient Chinese poem when I was researching for my book. The number is exact because it’s intended to highlight the close attention we must pay, to be in the sweet spot for operating our energy system at optimal efficiency”.

I looked at him doubtfully.  He continued, “It’s what I do and have been doing for decades. Before I moved my practice to this area, I ran a much busier clinic. By keeping myself at a 6.2 level of exertion, I never burnt out.” As he carried out my pulse reading and placement of needles, I judged by his equanimous air that he was probably operating at a ‘6.2’.

As I settled into my treatment, I contemplated what brought me here, and why I had been unable to notice and heed the signals of overwork until I had hit the proverbial wall. I had clearly slipped out of alignment with the tenth and overarching habit of Body Thrive, ‘Easeful Living’.

My teacher and author of Body Thrive, Cate Stillman, says ‘when you notice stress, flip the switch to ease’.  I had an aha moment when I realized I had been pegging stress at an energy exertion level of 7 to 8, which is too high to be sustainable. If I pegged stress at a ‘6.2’, I could flip the switch to ease earlier, and carry on at a steadier, more productive pace in the long run.

It doesn’t mean that you can’t exert yourself occasionally to meet inescapable deadlines. But if you do have a tendency to overwork, look into consciously dialing back your exertion level to a more sustainable one. Consider the metaphor of a battery – if you want your phone, laptop, or another device to be continually working, you wouldn’t allow it to drain completely before plugging it into a charger, would you?  

You may be thinking – but what if I can’t achieve all I want to at an exertion level of 6.2? The solution and path of growth is to build up the size of your metaphorical battery. The way to do this is by cultivating an abundance of “Ojas”, which is a Sanskrit term for “vigor” or “vital energies”. When your battery gets larger, it follows that you’ll deliver a greater impact at your expanded 6.2 exertion level.Best-selling author Seth Godin says, “What you measure usually gets paid attention to, and what you pay attention to, usually gets better. The next time your mind is running ahead of your body which it loves to do, remember to check-in and ask yourself if you’re running your energies at a 6.2 out of 10.

Yep, you heard me. Give yourself time to go down the rabbit whole and explore the worst case scenarios. Take time to explore your plan B and C options that are bombarding your head.

I recently had a whole week with all my three little munchkins feeling under the weather (and thus no sleep for me…) After almost a week with my two year old coughing really badly, it seemed to be getting worse, and I began to worry. Lying with her in my bed all night, listening to her moan and groan, I’ve decided to take her to the doctor in the morning. Little did I know what was to come the next morning…

We woke up to heavy rain and a river flowing down our driveway… It didn’t seem like we’d be able to get the car out. My dear hubby went on an exploration mission and came back with crazy stories and videos of our road. It was completely blocked by a massive slip from the side of the mountain. With huge trees literally sitting on the road as if it was their natural place.

We live in a very rural place, they call it the ‘wop wops’ here in New Zealand. And the road to get here is super windy and narrow to begin with. Our access road and many other roads around us were severely damaged by the rain and some huge mud slips. The government called a state of emergency as many people needed to be evacuated due to flooding, and others got barricaded in their homes and were completely cut off.

There was a lot to worry about: how am I going to take my baby to the doctor? What if it’s going to take a long time to fix? I don’t like worrying. It makes me feel anxious and powerless.

So we decided to call the nurse and discuss our options with her. We agreed to keep monitoring her symptoms and in a case of emergency we will call the helicopter ambulance. Ok good. Now we had a plan. We know what symptoms to keep an eye for and we know what to do if needed.

Now what?

Now Ben, my husband, had to go and put his spade to good use out in the pouring rain, clearing drains and building dams, while I stayed inside with the snotty kids. I had no time to worry. I had decided to let it go for an hour and then reassess. That hour gave me a chance to gather my energy, have a bite to eat, and drink all the coffee (told you, it’s been a whole WEEK of not sleeping for this mumma). And you know what? That was the day that the little one started getting better.  When Ben came back from his spading mission, he updated me again on the bad state of the roads. We checked our local community Facebook page and learned about all the damage that had happened in this crazy weather event (aka back into worrying).

So I came up with this brilliant plan: Worry when I worry – and then don’t.

When I’m reading the news, I can consider all the emergency prep we need to do and all the plans we have to put into action – and then, when there’s no action to take at that moment in time, it’s time to let go. I can go play with my kids, dance to some music, and when a worrisome thought creeps into my head – I can tell it to come back later when it’s worry time. I told myself: “I hear you, I’m not gonna ignore you. I’m gonna consider you later when I’m doing my worrying”.

Worrying is useful because it helps us put in place plans for the ‘what if’s’. I find it very reassuring to know that in the very low chance that shit will hit the fan, we have a plan and know what to do. It makes me feel safe and it allows me to relax into the pretty good here and now.

Over-worrying is the problem… when the same thoughts come back in a loop over and over and over again. It’s exhausting. It sucks away all your energy leaving you feeling drained. I don’t want to feel like that, do you? So I time block my worries. I give myself time to work it through in my head, so that I don’t need to keep doing it, and I can go back to focusing on what IS working. When I do that, I can be more present with my kids, I can nourish myself with gratitude and positive thinking, and overall I spend very minimal time in the worry club.

In her book, Kempton writes about meditation posture and some important elements being:

• a tall spine
• an open chest
• relaxed breathing
• a comfortable body.

A posture like this can seem like a far reach. I know it often has seemed so for me.

As I read these meditation posture suggestions, I began to think about posture in general and how it can be a metaphor for our mindset. I started to consider what posture I carry, not only for meditation, but when approaching many situations in life that invite me to grow and change.

Physical activities like stretching, breathing, strengthening exercises, bodywork, and even diet and hydration can certainly support a tall, open-hearted, relaxed body position. But how can one’s state of mind, emotions, and spirit also play a role in naturally arriving at such a posture?

The qualities of the physical posture Kempton recommends seem to be expressing a disposition of willingness. It’s as if the body is saying, “I am showing up. I am fully here. I am willing to meditate. I am choosing this experience.” In other words, it is a posture of willingness.

When I look back at my life so far, I see that it is a relatively new experience for me to feel genuinely willing to grow, change, and evolve. However, I am happy to say that this is becoming more and more of a familiar embodiment for me.

So I’m asking myself…how did I get here? I feel compelled to share about my own journey of finding the resources and developing the skills that have led me to embody willingness, namely by attending to my mind, emotions, and spirit. Maybe my story can offer some insights for others.

For many years, the dominating emotions I carried were fear and hesitation. In addition, there was an overpowering “should” voice in my mind. This voice had a forceful presence that pushed me forward even when I felt reluctant. My default stance was what I would call a “pushing through posture”. Imagine a contracted chest, shoulders caving in, head turned sideways as if to brace for danger, and body moving forward in protective mode for a seemingly treacherous passageway ahead.

Rather than “I am willing”, my body was saying, “I am conflicted. I might want to take these steps forward, but I don’t trust the journey. I’ll do it, but only forcibly.”

I had developed a pattern early on of feeling fearful, and yet pushing through anyway, gritting my teeth. This wasn’t a very satisfying approach to the opportunities for growth and development that inevitably were being presented to me in life. So I spent many years feeling unhappy, stuck in fear, with a sense that my life wasn’t moving forward on my terms with ease and joy.

I wanted to be happy. I wanted to grow. I wanted to be brave enough to try new things and enjoy the experience, yet it felt so often like a struggle that I rarely was satisfied with my progress. Instead, I felt exhausted and unfulfilled.

It wasn’t until I was introduced to habit evolution strategies (which stem from human behavioral science), that I could start to shift my posture. I needed these resources to create a whole new approach to the way I live my life, one that is making my path of personal evolution much more joyful and gratifying.

Over the past 8 years, I have been learning about and practicing habit evolution strategies, thanks to the Yogahealer community, a group of growth-oriented individuals, both self-healers and wellness professionals, who hold a collective posture of possibility and willingness to evolve.

In her book Body Thrive, my mentor, Cate Stillman writes about habit evolution and applies it to the study and practice of Ayurvedic health habits. She writes that there are two preconditions for progress when adopting a new habit:

“(1) You have to want to do it

(2) You have to perceive it as doable.”

I believe these two preconditions are hugely instrumental in developing a posture of willingness.

Consider “a new habit” to mean anything in life that invites us to evolve and grow. If I look at the old patterns I had, neither of the preconditions Cate names were fully in place for me to whole-heartedly progress in my life.

You have to want to do it.

In my case, I hadn’t yet developed a relationship of listening deeply to my intuitive self, the inner voice that speaks truth about my heart’s desires from unconditionally loving clarity. What’s more, even if I was hearing my desires, I wasn’t necessarily trusting that inner, wise messenger.

What I have learned is that when I am listening to, honoring, and trusting my inner truth, I feel in alignment with myself, such that I am working with rather than against myself. My connection to my intuitive wisdom helps me clarify what I want. Doubt may arise, but my devotion to my truth is stronger.

It takes a deep trust in my desires and then a surrender to follow them.

If knowing what you want feels elusive for you, I suggest starting a regular practice of connecting with your inner wisdom. This might look like:

• Sitting in silence and listening to what arises with curiosity.
• Placing your hand on your heart.
• Lighting a candle that represents the light within you.
• Asking the question, “What is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?”.

You can first experiment with asking yourself that question in the moment, rather than considering big life circumstances. Maybe you will discover that right now you simply need to take a few deep breaths. Maybe you will get a message that you simply need to eat a nourishing meal. Maybe it will become clear that what’s most loving is to tuck yourself in for a good night’s sleep.

Once you start strengthening the muscle of being able to hear and trust the unconditional loving guidance from within for small, in-the-moment scenarios, you can then expand to asking yourself about your desires on a larger scale. For example, “What do I desire for the next phase of my life?”.

But knowing what we want and that it could involve adopting a new habit or making a change is only one precondition, right? Sometimes in my life, I really DID know and trust what I wanted, but I could not make sustainable change because the second precondition was not in place.

You have to perceive it as doable.

In my case, I had an inaccurate, deep-seated belief that I couldn’t really get where I wanted to go (happiness, fulfillment, strength, good health). This belief was based on another subset of outdated beliefs. I held the notions that a growth process must be approached:

• on my own
• with force
• without room for failure.

Ugh. That sounds so bleak! No wonder things didn’t seem doable! What a blessing that I could bring these limiting beliefs into the light so that I could update them with a more empowering landscape.

I have come to realize that I was missing the awareness and skills to:

• ask for and receive support from others along the way
• be gentle, patient, and forgiving in my growth process
• aim for a B instead of an A+.

In contrast to my previous approach, I now:

• understand how essential support is. I receive support from my peers, mentors, family, nature, divine presence (or anything else that feels like a supportive resource). I am continually learning how to ask for support with humility, receptivity and courage.

• understand that force never works for me. I have to yield to the process and be  compassionate and realistic with myself as I navigate the peaks and valleys of my personal evolution. Taking small steps and celebrating each win is key.

• practice reminding myself that perfection is futile. The middle way feels so much more true to the human experience.

To summarize about the tools I’ve learned: support, self-kindness, and moderation allow me to now perceive adopting a new habit (any growth opportunity in life), as doable.

Are these tools you have in your “personal growth toolkit”?

One of the main reasons I am working as a holistic health coach for women is to provide my clients with these tools. I want others to experience for themselves what it’s like to have a community of support when stepping courageously into personal growth efforts. I want others to experience how remarkably effective it is to be patient, compassionate, and realistic when approaching desired change.

In my own experience, if I combine the two preconditions; my clarity about what I want + the tools that allow me to perceive my desires as doable, then I genuinely feel like I can move forward.

Enter …a genuine posture of willingness. And oh what a good feeling it is to arrive here!

It is an ongoing learning process for me with these preconditions. I regularly work on connecting with my inner voice to make sure that I am staying in alignment with my true desires. When I discover something that I know I want, I make conscious choices to incorporate support, self-kindness, and moderation. Then, the path ahead does not seem so daunting. I know I can trust the journey.

I’m curious, what postures have you carried throughout your life? Is a posture of willingness something that feels familiar or foreign to you?

Do you currently have clarity about something you want to do, whether it’s a small shift like adding more greens to your diet or a big leap like making a career change? And just as importantly, do you perceive the path as doable? If so, what resources allow you to have this perspective?I believe that with the preconditions I’ve shared, it is possible to arrive naturally at a posture of willingness. May your body, mind, and spirit together reach an authentic point of saying, “Yes, I am willing.” And from this seat, may your growth journey be more easeful and enjoyable.

I have told myself for many decades that I hate bananas and I would avoid them at all costs. If there was a table of bananas at a race, I NEVER consumed one. Not ONCE! If a menu item had bananas or even the flavor of them, I never ordered it. I’m told I would spit them out as a baby. I could hardly even peel one for my kids when they were growing up. And for heaven’s sake, never eat one in the car while I’m in there with you! I would literally gag.

Then there were dogs. I was attacked by a dog when I was about 5-6 years old. This German Shepherd had me pinned to the ground and stood on my chest. Thankfully, my Dad saved me! Ever since I’ve had a deep-seated fear of dogs. I’ve never been an animal lover, especially dogs. I lived my life downright in fear. Once again…avoid at all costs. And please….don’t let an animal touch me!

As I approach this next stage in my life of Vata, I started to notice these outdated stories and patterns that I had. I became more aware of these outdated stories and patterns and noticed that they were weighing me down. We are never too old to dig deep and do the work. And it was also impacting my husband. He is a dog lover and could use a 4 legged furry companion in retirement. So, I started to investigate my samskaras further and realized that they were too heavy to keep carrying. I had a strong desire to re-write those patterns that were deep-rooted for myself and those around me.

I’ve tried to eat bananas. Admittedly, to prove a point to myself more than anyone… I did it. I don’t love bananas and that’s ok because I don’t need to. The point is that I tried them and rewrote my storyline on them. My now automated thought processes.

Dogs on the other hand….I have a special place in my heart now for our rescue dog, Luna. Once my husband and I decided to get a dog, it was full steam ahead and no looking back. We adopted a rescue lab/pointer mix who had been running the streets of Detroit for over a year when they finally caught her and her pup. She is the most gentle and easy-going gal. All she wants is to be loved and petted. Touching a dog has been a very slow process for me, but I was determined. Now I find myself lying on the floor with her and filling her up with love and goodness. I’m not going to tell you it was easy but I will tell you…it has been worth it. To see the joy in his (my husband’s) eyes when Luna comes into the room is heartwarming. I have to admit, the greeting upon coming home is irresistible.

• My lessons from Luna:
• Love is unconditional and joy is limitless
• Live from one smell to the next….moment by moment
• Ask gently with a simple nudge when you need to have some extra loving
• Eat 2 meals a day and be content
• Slow down and rest in your favorite spot in the sun each day

My question to you: What stories have you told yourself that you’re willing to dig deep and write a new manuscript for?

You may find that the weight of that old pattern is heavier than you thought and also easier to let go of. What are YOU waiting for? Go find your own bananas and dogs and be brave enough to ask yourself: I wonder what it would be like if…?

My gateway into Yoga and Ayurveda was yoga asana (postures). The poses made me feel strong and capable. I was 18yo and for the first time I felt present in my body. That spark of possibility led me to wanting more.

Ayurveda’s basic principle is that like increases like and opposites balance. The better I felt in my body, the better I wanted to take care of my body. I began to eat cleaner and fresher foods so I could push my asana practice to the next level.

As someone who spent most of her life disassociating from her body, yoga asana seemed to be the perfect answer. In the real world I would unwittingly leave my body if I felt confronted or afraid. While on my yoga mat the fear melted away and I would experience moments of courage and deep presence. I wanted more of that.

Ayurveda’s basic principle is that like increases like…

While pushing my asana I ignored my heart, mind and spirit. Like most westerners I thought if I moved more and ate better I’d be healthier. All I did was push my physical body out of balance with my mind and spirit. Ayurveda sees us as a unique and whole being. It addresses physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and ancestral imbalances. All of these influence our DNA and patterns of well-being.

Asana could only do so much for me. My PTSD patterns were deeply rooted in my childhood and needed to be addressed at a more subtle level than I was ready for. My fear and anxiety just got pushed deeper down.

In the early hours of 9/11/01 I was held up at gunpoint. In many ways this was my breaking point. I couldn’t seem to validate the fear of this experience because of what happened in NYC. I felt a weird need to be strong and pretend it really didn’t affect me. “I really knew he wasn’t going to pull the trigger.” What happened to me was so minor compared to what they were going through in New York. It felt selfish to put the attention on me. I felt lost, drank too much, smoked too much, and yes – even did too much yoga. I’d push myself into poses I wasn’t ready for and just keep injuring myself.

My yoga practice had become as much of a coping mechanism as the smoking and the drinking. This seemed to get worse after the loss of my mother and the end of a long term relationship. I quit traveling and doing the things I loved. I avoided my feelings, my wants-needs-desires…the things that made me who I was and lit up my world.

…and opposites balance.

The path back to myself has been a slow and steady one with a few ups and downs. As I started to address my mental-emotional patterns, even heal old family wounds – my physical body seemed to keep breaking down. I was diagnosed with hypothyroid which helped, but other symptoms continued to get worse. I kept with the same superficial dogma, “exercise more and eat better.” I tried cutting out all kinds of foods but it seemed the better I took care of myself the worse I felt. My sister’s words, “You’re the healthiest sick person I know,” best sums it up. Nothing seemed to make sense.

It took my digestive distress, low energy and other symptoms getting worse for my doctor to finally test me for Adrenal Insufficiency. I had the lowest cortisol levels the nurse had ever seen, she couldn’t believe I was functioning (and I barely was). More than 80% of Adrenal Insufficiency cases are caused by Addison’s Disease. I finally had a diagnosis. I had an autoimmune disease that attacked my adrenal glands and explained the strange symptoms I had since I was 12yo. At first, it was a relief.

Almost a year later I wasn’t doing much better. I had gotten myself off the steroids, but emotionally I was worse. I was forced to deal with some very dark secrets from my childhood. I knew my PTSD patterns lived deeply in my nervous system and were affecting my health. I needed a level of support I wasn’t sure existed. I wanted to get away, go on retreat, find in-patient treatment, or just go somewhere I could rest and heal a lifetime of exhaustion. But I knew running away and “resting” would simply stall my healing journey and keep me from living in a world I loved.

Ayurveda sees us as a unique and whole being. It addresses physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and ancestral imbalances.

Suddenly it was obvious that Ayurveda could help me heal while keeping me present to the ups and downs of real life. Ayurveda begins with your Dosha or constitution. The 3 Doshas are Vata (Air/Ether), Kapha (Earth/Water), and Pitta (Fire/Water). Your dosha is how the 5 elements live in you. It gives you insight into how the elements relate to your qualities, characteristics and tendencies. They guide you into making simple diet and lifestyle choices based on your constitution.

My physical body looked like it had a Kapha imbalance. However, if the nervous system has been pushed beyond its limits over long periods of time there’s usually a Vata imbalance. On the surface a vata imbalance can look like a kapha imbalance. I kept shaming myself for being lazy when in fact I needed deep rest.

If you have PTSD you are exhausted because you are living in a stress (hyper-vata) state. Our bodies are simply not designed to constantly have these stress hormones (like cortisol) in our blood stream. Over time they begin to break down our protection mechanisms and our bodies. This manifests differently for each of us and often plays a role in developing an autoimmune disorder. My misunderstanding of Ayurveda had me treating myself for a Kapha imbalance which was exactly the opposite of what I needed.

I discovered I could heal.

My turning point was learning how to live the habits of Yoga and Ayurveda one little step at a time. Trying to take big leaps on my own wasn’t working. I needed community to help me hold compassion, truth and understanding as we each moved through our own journey. I was able to commit to myself and the habits at a whole new level.

I discovered I could heal. Within two months my digestive distress had improved remarkably. I could go weeks (sometimes months) without any problems. I didn’t think it was possible. My body was able to absorb nourishment. My energy was improving. I noticed I could be present and in my body off the mat, even with intense emotions. The habits are the level of support I needed to address my physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and ancestral well-being. These layers of healing go well beyond whole body healing – they are the layers of all being.

I am (still) learning to love my body and live into its infinite capacity to heal. Autoimmune disorders have many ebbs and flows. As I learn to honor these waves, I step into my truth and purpose in this world.

If you are alive and living in a body, you’ve likely experienced some type of body shaming at one time or another, whether from another person, advertising, life filtered through social media, or even your own internal thoughts.

Unlike what popular culture would have us believe, thin does not always equal healthy.  Over a decade ago, when I smoked cigarettes and didn’t pay attention to what foods I was consuming, I was told by a colleague that I was healthy because I was “so skinny.”  I knew that wasn’t true because I felt tired and anxious most of the time and had migraines often.  Also, both my parents are skinny, and they each suffered (and thankfully survived) heart attacks at the young age of 46.  My experience didn’t align with the messages about what appearance meant for health.  In recent times, some have caught onto this phenomenon of thin not always equaling healthy and created the term “skinny-fat” for it, which is yet another way of body shaming.

Fast forward 12+ years from that “skinny-fat” girl, through dedication to constant growth and transformation by practicing and teaching yoga, and incorporating Ayurveda in my life, I am finally starting to feel like a strong and healthy skinny woman. Then I started working at a local gym. To hardcore gym patrons I’m weak and unhealthy because I am not “thicc.” Thankfully I’ve learned through Ayurveda that I have a vata-pitta constitution and the naturally slim build to match. This is what my body looks like when in balance, and a much larger build or curvier shape would be a sign of imbalance for me. On the other hand, those with more pitta or kapha would look strong, shapely, and built when in balance, while a smaller, thinner shape might indicate imbalance.

It’s refreshing to see new cultural icons hitting the mainstream with body positive messages that don’t have the body types we’ve been trained to view as “ideal” – people with larger bodies and bodies of differing ages and abilities are becoming more visible. This wave of body positivity is not without its own flaws, with some reverseshaming towards the stereotypical “ideal” bodies, and how we need to get them out of the mainstream.

Our bodies will never look the ideal way because there is no ideal way to look. Instead of focusing on looks alone, we must direct our focus toward how we feel, and know that what we see is one way our bodies communicate the presence of balance or imbalance. Ayurveda teaches us to respect and honor the unique strength and wisdom held in the tissues of our own and each others’ physical bodies. By understanding our constitutions, we understand that what we see in the mirror are clues we can explore, in order to find deeper rhythm with our unique needs.

When we respect and honor our bodies wisdom, we can look at ANY ailment with a curious rather than critical eye, whether digestive, skin, weight gain/loss, mood, hormones, pain, etc.  Rather than feeling ashamed for experiencing the ailment, we can instead thank our bodies for giving us these signs to find more balance in our systems. It’s pretty brilliant when you stop and think about it. The fact that all of our bodies are working in unique ways to point us toward homeostasis and a more harmonious existence! When we recognize that, how can we possibly feel ashamed of our bodies or shame anyone else’s?

When we understand Ayurveda and our constitutions, we learn to receive all the unique messages from our bodies, rather than getting hung up on appearance while letting the ailment take over our lives and well-being. We can thank our bodies for giving us these messages, no matter how big or small. We can trust the process we need to go through to feel more balanced. These messages might be the gentle whisper of adult acne, the stern voice of obesity, or perhaps the loud scream of a life-altering disease. Whatever it is, we trust it and are willing to commit to whatever path it takes us on.

Let’s end the body shaming of ourselves and others, as we spread the knowledge of Ayurveda and continue to find power through our unique constitutions.  While I love that my vata-pitta constitution keeps me moving efficiently in many directions throughout life, I am envious and celebrate my pitta-kapha friends who move at the most steady and productive pace.   I go to them when I need to find nurturance and grounding and they come to me when they need to be inspired and uplifted.  It’s through self-care and understanding how to live optimally in our unique constitutions, that then translates to living harmoniously within our communities.

What you’ll get out of tuning in:

• How to decide your next identity
• How does the person you want to become work
• How to set your work environment

Links Mentioned in Episode:

• Get clear on your next identity
• Develop better habits

Show Highlights:

• Cate shares her personal experience working from home
• Cate explains how she set structures
• Cate explains how she prepares for work

Timestamps:

• 04:45 Developing structure
• 09:10 Being in a learner mindset
• 12:29 Celebrating your wins

Quotes:

• “Structure precedes evolution”
• “The professional that wanted to become, wasn’t the person who was showing up to work every day”