You’ve been invited to a party with a bunch of health-conscious people. A potent stage to practice your magical marketing tricks.

“What do you do?”

The moment arises to captivate with the supernatural powers of self-care. And…

Poof. Your mojo vanishes in midair.

You succumb to the spell of sameness and spit out, “I’m a yoga health coach and I help people get healthy.”

Yes, that is what you do. And what you do is amazing, but there’s a more powerful way to captivate your audience and win new members.

Do you want to know what it is?

Put on your magician’s hat and get ready to charm.

What do you do? – Take 1:

You arrive at the party early, eager to connect. The host and her friend are scrambling to prepare the final dishes.

The host introduces you. This is my friend, Kristen. She’s the one I told you about. She’s marvelous.

“What do you do?” her friend asks.

“I am a yoga health coach; I help people change their habits and get healthy.” She smiles. “Interesting,” she mumbles with a guilty expression as she takes a sip of wine to wash down cheese and crackers.

You upgraded your pitch, fusing in the habit element. You help people get healthy (what they want) by changing your habits (how they get what they want). But if you want to fascinate, you’ve got to dig deeper.

Shake it off. Center yourself. Look for another opportunity to practice your magic.

What do you do? – Take 2:

You overhear two women bemoaning weight loss drama.

“I went in for my annual exam and my doctor told me my blood work shows that I’m prediabetic. She said I’ve got to lose some weight or go on meds. She told me to come back in 6 months to follow up. So I decided to go on the keto diet. I heard it’s great for blood sugar. I’ve been following the rules for about a week. I’m down a pound but I miss my carbs. I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to go without bread.”

The women invite you in with a smile. You douse the doctors “advice” to cultivate connection, “Doctors frustrate. They tell you what to do but not how to do it.” They nod and you continue. “I coach groups of people to change their habits so that they can get healthy. You’ll get more support and direction for how to follow through with diet and lifestyle changes. One of my members is a diabetic, and he’s lost 30 pounds. Now his A1C is better than ever.”

Their eyes soften. A silent invitation to continue. “In my year long program, I guide people through 10 habits of Ayurveda, nature’s science. We meet every week and troubleshoot around how to make these transformational habits a part of our life.”

“Oh I’ve heard of Ayurveda. I love the natural idea! What kind of habits? Tell me more.”

Shazam!

You dazzle with a few habits and “how tos.” “You’ll eat an earlier lighter dinner, go to bed early and poop every morning, move your body and meditate. We do fun stuff like make smoothies, and soups, give ourselves foot massages and practice Qi Gong.”

Eyes roll instead of sparkle. “That sounds like fun but I know I don’t have time for all that. I’m not a morning person. I work late and my partner loves a big meal at night. I can sit still, and I hate any kind of slow movement. I’ve got to get a good sweat on.”

Curses. Another failed trick.

Before you go on to Take 3, let’s pause and consider a different approach. Instead of starting your pitch with what you do and how you do it, you need to captivate your audience from the inside out.

Why do you do what you do?

The Magical Power of Why

“People don’t buy WHAT you do, they buy WHY you do it.” Simon Sinek

As a health coach, we are operate on three levels: what we do, how we do it and why we do it. All three levels, what, how and why, are vital to cultivate know, like and trust with potential members. But when you start with why, you reveal your supernatural powers.

Your why has more influential value than your what. Why is this? To answer this question we need to look inside your brain.

Simon Sinek, inspirational thought leader, exposes the profound power of why in his book Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action. He proposes a model deemed “The Golden Circle” to explain how we can effectively attract and inspire people to work with us.

The Golden Circle reveals that your why corresponds to the limbic system of the brain. “This the part of the brain responsible for all our behavior and decision making. It’s also responsible for all our feelings, like trust and loyalty.” Simon Sinek

Be inspired by Simon Sinek’s brilliant Ted Talk here.

When you start with why, you are touching the emotional brain center.

When you simply focus on what you do (the features and benefits), you’re literally only scratching the surface. This is how you approached Take 1: “I am a yoga health coach and I help people change their habits and get healthy.”

Your what addresses the part of the brain responsible for rational and analytical thought, and language. The neocortex is also crucial for verbally expressing our desires. But if we are relying solely on the neocortex to make decisions we’ll often get sucked into an analytical thought hurricane. Analysis paralysis looks like resistance. You’ll need call in disaster relief ASAP to recover from the “what first” pitch approach. Recall how the woman responded in Take 2: “I’m not a morning person, I work late and my partner loves a big meal at night. I can sit still and I hate any kind of slow movement. I’ve got to get a good sweat on.”

“We all know what we do: the products we sell, the services we offer or the jobs we do. Some of us know how we do it: the things that we think make us different or stand out from the crowd. But very few of us can clearly articulate why we do what we do.” Simon Sinek

How to Find Your Why

“At its core, the WHY is an origin story. Who we are is the sum total of all the experiences we’ve had growing up—the lessons we learned, the teachers we had and the things we did.” Simon Sinek

To find your why you need to apply several magical elements, a hefty dose of patience, a willing partner and a TON of practice. The most magical element may be compassion. You must have compassion for yourself. You must tap into your own limbic system and conjure up the emotional language that will captivate your audience. Good news: you can train yourself to craft and express your why.

In Simon Sinek’s follow up book: Find Your Why: A Practical Guide for Discovering Purpose for You and Your Team, you will discover a step by step process to uncovering your magical gifts.

You will gather and share stories, identify common themes, and work with your partner to draft your why statement. The adventure takes time (3 + hours with your partner). And you will continue to refine as your why evolve your business. 

My working why is: To inspire people to become the brightest expression of themselves so that they are free to enjoy vibrant wellbeing. I’ve practiced my why in a few different contexts and it resonates with me and my audience. Over time, I know I’ll refine it if I want it to captivate and attract members who share my values and beliefs.

“When we align emotionally with our customers and clients, our connection is much stronger and more meaningful than any affiliation based on features and benefits. That’s what starting with WHY is all about.” Simon Sinek

Time to take your new magic show on the road. Third time’s a charm.

What do you do? – Take 3

You find a group of 3 fit folks talking. One tired looking woman bemoans, “I just can’t seem to shake this cough. Our 10K is coming up, I got this massive deadline at work, and my kid is struggling with her econ class at State. I’ve been tutoring her every night for 2 hours after dinner. I’m lucky if I get to bed by midnight. I can barely drag myself out of bed for 6am trail runs.”

Perfect setup for your Why Magic Show. First, take a deep belly breath. Ground your excitement.

You’re invited into the circle. Empathize and start with why.

Your magic trick: Why – How – What – from the inside out. Dare to captivate your audience.

“Hi I’m Kristen. I couldn’t help but overhear your struggle. The energy battle is so frustrating. I was working out every day and eating pretty healthy, but I would hit a lull after lunch and I could barely focus after 2. The battle magnified after I hit 40. (Pause for connection) Then I took a deep dive into how to source my energy. And I’ve never felt better. Now, I wake up every day to inspire people like you to enjoy vibrant wellbeing. You love being outside, right? Nature’s your best ally. When you sync your internal clock with the natural rhythm of the day, you’ll conquer your boundless energy quest. I guide people to practice self-care habits that give them that PR feeling every day.”

A little ambitious? Over the top? To woo woo? Maybe. But you’ll know your trick is a success when you hear “Yes, that’s what I need! Tell me more.”

Some people may look at you like you have three heads. But that is a reflection that you are tapping into an unspoken realm being. Underneath the perceived doubt lies an emotional desire for change. You want to connect with people who want to unearth their emotional desires.

Your Why is an undying belief, purpose or cause that’s bigger than you. When you express your why, you will connect with people who share your beliefs and values. These are the people you want to work with. These are the people who will follow your lead. These are the people you can guide through your transformational program.

Sure. Context matters. You may not deliver your pitch with the same opening when you make a cold call to a potential partner or community. But the essence of your why (your contribution and your impact) needs to hold up in every show.

Work Your Magic

You are a gifted magician. You possess a unique elixir that can help people transform stress into vitality.

Where do you start?

You start with WHY.

It’s not deception. It’s powerful.

Will it be hard? Yes. But do you think David Copperfield made the Empire State Building disappear overnight?

Abracadabra. Alakazam. Presto-Changeo.

On with your show.

“Once you understand your WHY, you’ll be able to clearly articulate what makes you feel fulfilled and to better understand what drives your behavior when you’re at your natural best. When you can do that, you’ll have a point of reference for everything you do going forward. You’ll be able to make more intentional choices for your business, your career and your life. You’ll be able to inspire others to buy from you, work with you and join your cause. Never again should you have to play the lottery and act on gut decisions that are made for reasons you don’t really understand. From now on, you will work with purpose, on purpose.” Simon Sinek

So tell me – what’s your why?

“Please. Don’t turn on the light.”

“What are you afraid of?”

My shadow haunts me.

As I grow my business, my shadow lurks around every corner, asking me difficult questions and feeding my self-doubt. Why do I, as an experienced coach, still doubt my coaching skills? Why is this so hard? Why aren’t people investing in my program? Can’t they see they need to change?

Yep…there’s my shadow. I can’t escape.

Does your shadow haunt you too?

As you grow your business, you encounter your shadow over and over again. But it doesn’t have to be such a struggle. You can choose to step into the light and face the challenges of growth.

What choice will you make? Will you hide in the dark or step into the light?

“You cannot really have authorship of yourself unless and until you know yourself and that means all of yourself”,

Dominique Christina

What is a Shadow?

I was inspired to write this post after a recent Yoga Health Coaching Q&A call with our leader Cate Stillman.

I have limited “book knowledge” of shadow issues. Do I have real world experience? Hell ya!

Here’s a few ways our group of highly self-aware people defines shadow issues:

• “That part of us we’ve rejected, refuse to look at or that is hidden from our awareness. Subconscious.”, Lael Petersen, chief psychologist

• “One that’s hidden in the subconscious mind, and it influences me in day to day existence. When it’s brought into the light, it can be honored, accepted, and then can transform.” Denise Keenan, chief hypnotherapist

• “Fear of success….thrill of the chase and then freak out with follow through.”, Anna Berkelmans, chief rebel and rockstar coach

What Does Your Shadow Look Like?

Have you seen your physical shadow lately? Go for a walk toward the sunrise and take a few rights and lefts and turn around. Observe long, lanky, short and squat angles of yourself. Your shadow self encompasses your fears and your desires, and it can take on diverse sizes and shapes. Each shadow carries a particular energy too.

We have unique perceptions of what our shadow looks and feels like. In our Q&A call, here’s how we responded to the question: “What does your shadow look like?”:

• Lack of self-worth
• Separate, limited
• “I don’t have what it takes”
• Victim mode, fixed mindset
• “I can’t sustain this”
• “I’m unsupported, people don’t get what I’m doing”
• I am fooling people, pulling the wool over people’s eyes (Imposter Syndrome)
• #woundedhealer
• #brokehealer
• #brokenhealer

Is your Shadow Blocking your Potential?

When your shadow shows up, you feel like giving up. “It’s too damn hard!” You doubt your skills, knowledge and strength to persevere. The changes you need to make to grow your business feel insurmountable.

You know you can do it.

Body shaking, gut wrenching, mind blowing. Oh Ya! You’ve entered the shadow world.

How to Illuminate Your Shadow

“The fastest way is complete transparency…it is completely humiliating to the ego.”,

Cate Stillman

Want to confront your shadow issues? Reach your potential? Live a richer life?

I’ve collected 8 practices from our crew and several resources. Go ahead, dare to dance with your shadow. Try one, two or all of ‘em.

1.  Honor The Body Thrive Habits:

Practice what you preach. Your daily rhythm is a potent source of integrated energy, from Earlier Lighter Dinner to Easeful Living. If you’re out of alignment with one or more of the habits, you lack confidence to shine your light on your shadow.

Action steps:

• Budget 20-30 minutes for this practice.
• List the 10 Body Thrive habits.
• Rate your integrity with each one of them (1: Ugh…it ain’t happening to 10: Yes…locked in and automated).
• Invest a few weeks tightening your weak links. You may find a few shadows lurking in the habits you are avoiding.

But, “the habits will only get you so far, you’ll still struggle with it…you’re not going to figure it out on your meditation cushion.”, Cate Stillman.

Next practice, please.

2.  Witness Your Reactions:

“The more you pay attention to your behavior and emotions, the better chances you have of catching your shadow in the act.”

 Scott Jeffrey

1. Do you judge other people for being lazy?
2. Do you cringe when your coworker starts one of her long winded stories?
3. Are you jealous when you hear another coach selling an annual ticket?
4. Do you long to be as efficient as your mother?

Numbers 1, 2, and 3: Yep, criticism, annoyance and jealousy are some of my shadow issues.

But what about number 4: longing or deep desire? Shadow issues aren’t always villainous. You may have some heroic shadows lurking behind your emotional reactions.

Action steps:

• Carry a notepad or your phone with you for a week.
• After you feel a surge of emotion towards another person (cue), note it.
• Ask yourself: How do I engage in the same behavior that gives rise to such disgust or admiration?
• Let your response lead you to what shadow issues you may be denying within you.

3. Illustrate Your Shadow:

If you are a creative spirit or you want to explore your creative side, this practice is for you. Pull out your drawing pad and markers.

Action steps:

• Schedule 30-60 minutes for this practice.
• Give shape, color, texture, symbols and energy to your shadow. What does she look like?
• Draw her opposite. What does your heroine side like?
• Post your picture on Facebook. Sharing your images will make them more real.

4.  Write Your Shadow Story

“When you write, you invite your hidden parts to dance.”

                                                        Dominique Christina

Writing your shadow story deepens your awareness of what’s holding you back.  Describe what keeps you in the shadows. Get full access to it. See it for what it is. When you recognize your relationship with your shadow, then you can make skillful, confident changes.

Action steps:

• Set a timer for 15-30 minutes.
• Ask your shadow the following questions to spark your story:
  • Who are you?
  • Why are you doing this to me?
  • What do you want from me?
  • What are you trying to show me?
  • What do you have to teach me?
• And ask yourself these two questions:
  • How do I sabotage myself in my business?
  • What shadow issues do I need to digest to grow?

5. Make Friends with Your Shadow:

“Without friendliness and self-compassion, it is difficult to look at our darker stuff.”

                                                                                                           Scott Jeffrey

Put your sword away. You will never win the battle against your shadow. Open your arms and greet your shadow with compassion. She is not evil. Your shadow contains unborn, brilliant energy. She may have the key to your next level of growth.

Action steps:

• Schedule a tea date with your shadow during daylight hours, when it’s less scary.
• Ask her the same questions from practice #4. You may be more comfortable speaking with her, rather than writing to her.
• Record your conversation. Listen to it over and over.

6.  Embody Your Future Self:

“Your future self is real and you can see it… Your future self already has it figured out. Make it more real and start acting like it now.”                                            

Cate Stillman

When you envision your future self, you definitely stir up some shadows. I have a tendency to project into the future and I seize up with fear, so much so that I paralyze myself from taking action. Sound familiar?

Instead of running away in fear, step into your discomfort with curiosity. Let your future self tell your current self what to do.

Action steps:

• Schedule 30-60 minutes for this practice.
• Read the following questions first and choose which ones appeal to you most. You can go left brain logical or right brain sensory. You don’t have to limit yourself. Be creative and invoke all your senses.
  • What am I earning 5-10-20 year from now? Dream big!
  • What does my impact statement look like? How many lives am I transforming? On what level?
  • What does the future me look and feel like? What do I wear? What do I smell like? What do I eat? How do I walk?
• Set your timer for 5 minutes
• Close your eyes and envision who you are becoming.
• After the timer goes off, bring out your notepad or drawing pad.
• For the remaining time, Illustrate or author your responses.
• For the next week (or as long as you want) – act, speak, dress as if you were your future self. Write yourself a check for how much you want to earn in the next month. Buy yourself a new piece of jewelry, clothing. Take yourself out to an extravagant lunch, on your future self.

Do you know what I did for this one? I’ve been wearing my grandmother’s ring for a few years and it’s lost a few pearls. After our call, I took it to the jewelry repair shop. I’m replacing the missing pearls with precious stones. The future me does not walk around with missing parts. She is precious and damn worth it!

7.  Explore Your Archetypes:

“We are the utterance of so many unclaimed hallelujahs rushing suddenly forth to bear witness to the birthing of our names”          

                                               Dominique Christina

Your shadow is not unidimensional She takes many different forms, depending on how the light (situation) shines on you and which “shadow expert” resource you consult. One of my favorite resources is Dominique Christina book: “This is Woman’s Work: Calling forth your inner counsel of wise, brave, crazy, rebellious, loving, luminous selves”.

In her book, Dominique provides a creative, yet challenging exploration of 20 different archetypes or “ways of positioning ourselves on the planet, what purposes they serve and in what ways they can hinder us”.  While she considers “Shadow Woman” unique archetype, anyone one of the cast of characters could be hidden in your shadow.  

I relate most to “Shadow Woman” (unborn, underdeveloped, waiting), “Rebel Woman” (persistent, action oriented, stubborn), “Journey Woman” (restless, explorative, flighty), and “Third Eye Woman” (vision, connected, self-doubt). When in-balance, your positive shadow qualities will arise almost without effort. When out-of balance, watchout, your shadow may suffocate you.

Action steps:

• Plan to do this practice over a course of a month or longer, allowing enough time to explore one archetype, one week at a time.
• Follow the google search on “shadow archetypes”
• Choose one resource.
• Choose any of the practices 1-7 to invite in a deeper connection with your shadows.

8.  Seek Support

For some of us, our shadow “can be so deep that you can’t see it or speak it…It’s a sneaky devil. It’s always where you can’t see it”, Cate Stillman.

Shadow work is intense. But you don’t have to go at it alone. Here at Yoga Healer, we have 11 Ground Rules for Dynamic Groups. Our “rules” help attune and amplify our individual and group’s potential. Anyone of the rules can be applied to shadow work and how to apply group support to transform your relationship with your shadow. For this post, I chose: Engage your Edge:

“Growth means moving into new territory. Our growth has and edge; when you’re “all in”, your preference is to be at the edge. By its very nature, the edge is edgy – it’s unfamiliar and uncomfortable, and it leads to more growth. When your engage your edge, you step into new ways of being. Dynamic groups help us explore edges, take risks, and try on new ways of being. They allow us to evolve into emerging identities.”

Discomfort is your cue that you are in the shadow and on the edge of a break through. It’s the “breakdown before breakthrough” as Cate has so aptly highlighted.

We all have shadows, and we may need someone else’s light to reveal our own shadow.

So, connect with your group. Take a risk on yourself. Step into a new way of being.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

You cannot and do not have to evolve alone.

Thank Goddess!

Action steps:

• Tell yourself right now: “I don’t have to go at this alone. I am not alone.”
• Then reach out to a friend, family, community member, counselor, hypnotist. You want your “shadow partner” to be someone you trust.
• Schedule a check in with your “shadow partner” every 1-2 months (or as often as you want). Ask your partner to reflect on your growth.
• Believe that as you take steps forward on your shadow journey, other people will reflect your new identity.

Can You Dissolve Your Shadow?

Whether you can or cannot dissolve your shadow, depends on who you ask but more importantly what you believe.

Your shadow changes as you shift into new light, new levels of growth in your business. You’ll be able to let go of some of the limiting patterns holding you back. But when you enter unfamiliar territory, your edge, your shadow issues will likely come back. Now you know you are evolving.

Where Do You Begin?

Don’t let all the ideas overwhelm you. Pick one. Dance with it for a week or more.

If the practice stirs up some growing pains, good! Now you know you are in the midst of your shadow.

When you are ready, move on to the next practice. Do as many practices as you want, as many times as you want.

Please. Turn the Light On

If you want to grow your business and enjoy the impact, income and lifestyle of your dreams, you need to know all of you.

Integrity is your intention.

So, flip the switch. Turn the light on.

Have fun. You are designing the life you want.

“Any time you are creating, the universe opens up space for you…the universe will support your efforts to define/create/author your identity”                             

Dominique Christina

“Last week, we covered Healthy Eating Guidelines. We agreed to focus on avoiding snacking between meals. Who’s hit a problem with this habit?”

Susan speaks up,

“How can I possibly stop snacking? I just can’t do it. My hunger is like a raging fire. If I don’t eat every 2-3 hours, I’ll lose focus and bite someone’s head off!”.

Yikes!

Susan’s problem has roots spreading in all directions.

Where do you start digging for a solution? Do you automatically shift to problem solving mode and try to incinerate the problem?

You feel the tension rising from your heart to your head.

Easy, firewoman! Back away from the heat.

You’re about to discover the X factor of problem solving and boost your coaching skills.

Shhh…Are you listening?

Habits (Good and Bad) Have Ancient Roots

Do you get fired up every time your boss or colleague points out a mistake you made? Your chest burns, heart races, fists clench. Your fiery tendency is not something you picked up last week. Your habitual response has a history that may be rooted in how you were scolded as a kid.

Now, when you feel those flaming sensations rise up, you dive into a pint of Chunky Monkey. Cool and sweet to the rescue!

You see what I mean? Deep Roots!

As you guide members through the 10 habit changes, you expose gnarly patterns.

Back to Susan… So what do you do?

Do you stay on the surface? Insist that Susan sticks to the “no snacking rule” or do you dare to dig deeper? Maybe you don’t do either.

The Unspoken Phase of Problem Solving

When you’re laser coaching in a group or one-on-one setting, you’ve got 15 minutes (max) for problem solving. No time to waste, that’s why it’s called laser coaching!

You can S.O.L.V.E. any problem with the right formula:

• S.tate the problem
• O.utline the problem
• L.ist possible solutions
• V.iew the pros and cons of each solution
• E.xecute and evaluate your solution

But sometimes we need to back off the heat and allow more space for transformation. Like a plant that needs air and space to breathe and expand, deeply rooted problems need the same care.

How can you offer air and space to your members’ problems?

Deep Listening…

“Deep Listening is a way of being in the world that is sensitive to all facets of our experience—external, internal, and contextual (body, mind, and speech). It involves listening to parts we frequently are deaf to.”

David Romek, Deep Listening.

Our tribe knows the value of Deep Listening, it’s one of our Ground Rules for Dynamic Groups.

Listen Deeply:

When your group meets, practice and receive deep listening. Listening deeply means you participate in 100% receptivity mode. When a member speaks, you connect with the essence beneath their words. You turn up your care and allow yourself to be impacted by their learning. Deep listening is the glue that holds an evolutionary conservation together. Your listening has depth that you should actively dive into when you’re with your group. If you do, an evolutionary tension arises that propels your group into dynamic growth.

Amen.

David Rome shares that the quality of deep listening is “generous, empathic, supportive, accurate, and trusting”, David Rome, Deep Listening.

Sounds great, eh? But how do we actually practice Deep Listening?

The Deep Listening Experiment

David Rome offers a multi-layered model for deep listening, called “Embodied Listening”. While I have not completed his training, I was intrigued.

So, I developed my own experiment and tested it with my accountability partner. I linked my expertise (movement science and behavior change) with Embodied Listening techniques.

The essence is to create a safe space for deep listening and connection to felt senses. Energetically, this approach gives a problem air and space to breathe and be expressed before adding the fire of transformation.

During the process your role is to be a listener. It’s not your job to “be helpful,” to problem-solve or commiserate or evaluate, but simply to be mindfully present.

Tough, right? I know!

You may not arrive at an answer or a specific action plan, rather the goal is to focus and listen to the problem.

Trust. In time, you will ease your member to a solution.

Listen to our experiment here. (Heads and hearts open, it’s a 40 minute exchange.)

The 6 basic steps of the Deep Listening Experiment are:

1. Express the Problem: Ask your member to present a problem.
2. Move with the Problem: Guide your member through a few minutes of gentle movement. I chose qigong-based movements. Choose your own preferred movement form. Deep listening is subtle. Flowing, spacious, expansive movements facilite a softer energetic quality. Less heat, more space.
3. Connect with the Felt Sense: Ask your member to sense the energetic quality of the problem.
4. Name the Problem: Ask your member to allow a phrase or an image come up from the felt sense.
5. (Encourage silence during the sensing and naming steps 3 & 4)
6. Express the Experience: Allow the member to share the quality and phrase they connected to the problem.
7. Cleanse the Space– Guide your member through gentle movement to ease the tension that may surface with the problem. Given its roots, gentle movement through space can lighten the energy before you transition.

Optional Step 7: If time permits, offer space for an action plan. Ask your member if they are ready, willing and able, to share a next step for transforming the problem. As you’ll hear in our experiment, your members (or partner) may come up with a next step on their own. We often find our own solution when offered the space to be heard.

When to Use Deep Listening

A deeply rooted problem likely extends beyond one specific habit. The types of problems that benefit from deep listening have old roots. When you stumble upon these problems, you may lose your breath.

Gasp!

Let your reaction cue you to open up space for deep listening.

Deep listening is a comforting fit for habit challenges that have received little attention. Those problems rotting like old cheese in the back of the refrigerator. Damn that rotten resistance.

Or try deep listening with challenges that are fresh, yet feel foreign or difficult, like the green coconut your neighbor gifted you. You’ll often find these early on in the habit changing journey. So, when you scratch your head, thinking ”How the hell do I cut into this?”, this is the time for deep listening.

Be creative, flexible and receptive.

Practice and Receive

Deep listening is a skill we all need to practice.

Design your own experiment with subtle elements of air and space. Give the problem gentle movement and space to be sensed and held, without feeling like you’ve got to scorch it with a blowtorch.

Use our Deep Listening Experiment as a loose guide to create your own experiment with friends, family and members.

Deep listening takes your coaching to a more spacious, higher vibration.

You’ll feel it and your members will too. Everyone loves to be heard.

Enjoy and share your experiments with our tribe.

We are here for you.

“In dealing with those who are undergoing great suffering, if you feel “burnout” settling in, if you feel demoralized and exhausted, it is best, for the sake of everyone, to withdraw and restore yourself. The point is to have a long-term perspective.”

Dalai Lama

Do you feel burnout settling in? Disheartened? Exhausted? Who doesn’t? Your feelings and aches and pains are clues. Something is off. You need care. Self-care is knocking at your door. So withdraw and restore yourself. You deserve to care for your physical, mental and emotional wellbeing.

“I’d love to! But…”

Do I have time for it? Do I deserve it? I’m not sure how woo woo I am. What does self-care look really like? Google “self-care” and you’ll find hundreds of ideas. Some lists will tell you to “go to a farmers market”, “buy a new candle” or “drive with the windows down.” Other lists are more productivity oriented, “ditch the to do list”, “learn to say no”, “declutter”. So where do you start? Before you define WHAT you want to do, it’s worth exploring what might be getting in your way. What are your “buts” to self-care? What stops you from sticking to a self-care habit and enjoying the ride of your life? Step inside. Let’s find out. I know I should but…

“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that is your own self”

Aldous Huxley

You know that self-care is good for you, don’t you?

Still, self-care is a blind spot for all of us, we catch a glimpse of it here and there. A bi-monthly massage, a weekly yoga class or a bath at the end of a long week are not enough. Self-care needs to become a daily priority in order for us to enjoy physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. But changing habits is hard! Yes, and that’s an excuse you need to confront head on. So what’s your excuse sign?

Time: “I just can’t add one more thing to my to do list.”

Self-Worth:  “It seems so selfish to spend all this time alone.”

Knowledge: “I just don’t know where to start.”

Conformity: “Self-care is silly. It’s so not me!”

Which one of those “excuses” do you relate to most?  You’ll likely relate to all of them. But the one that seems most familiar is a signal of how you respond to expectations. Your tendency.

How do you meet expectations for Self-Care?

In her eye-opening book, “The Four Tendencies”, Gretchen Rubin reveals four ways, or tendencies of how we typically respond to internal and external expectations.

Know thyself, Care for thyself. Which tendency sounds most like you? If you need a little help, take Four Tendencies quiz here. Don’t be surprised or disappointed by your reaction. We often don’t like to shine the light on our excuses or limitations. You may think, “Well if my tendency is to be an obliger or a rebel then won’t I always favor caring for others or laugh off my attempts?”.

“This self-knowledge is crucial because we can build a happy life only on the foundation of our own nature, our own interests, and our own values.”

Gretchen Rubin

Knowing your tendency is not another excuse for giving up on self-care, rather, awareness of how you respond to expectations can be a valuable asset on your self-care journey.

Customize your Self-Care to Match Your Tendency

Developing self-care habits takes skillful practice. If you want to boost your self-care habits, experiment with one or more of the habit changing strategies that sync with your tendency. Let’s get specific In Body Thrive, we promote 10 daily self-care habits. You will nourish, move, rest, sooth and connect your body, mind and spirit. Easeful Living. That’s our orientation. But you will confront many objections on your self-care journey. Resistance. Fear. Doubt. Disbelief. Want to overcome those objections? Boost your success by apply specific strategies that sync with your tendency. For instance, the first habit (often the most challenging) is Early Lighter Dinner (ELD). The “expectation” here is to eat a simple (one-pot dish, soup or salad) meal and finish eating before 6pm. Let’s look at how you could apply your tendency to boost your ELD success.

Obligers:

• Set up a self-care partnership with a friend or family member.
• Start simple. Agree to wind your dinner time back 10 minutes each week. Lighten your usual meal (reduce protein and fat, increase veggies).
• Share with your partner. Each day, call, text or email and report how you did and how you feel.

Warning! According to Rubin, obligers are the most common tendency. You tend to put others first and skip out on your own needs. When you don’t care for yourself, your body, mind and spirit will rebel. This could look like an acute injury or illness or a chronic condition like anxiety, depression, autoimmune disease, arthritis. No thank you! Put yourself first for once.

Questioners:

• Do your research. Know why you would want to eat and earlier lighter dinner (Hint: To lighten the load on your digestive system before you go to bed).
• Be curious. Experiment with different meal options (steamed veggies and rice, carrot ginger soup, roasted beets and greens).
• Run the numbers. Note how you feel the next morning when you eat heavier and later vs. earlier and lighter. (1: snooze! I can’t get out of bed – 10: Yes! I feel awesome!).

Warning! When your questioning nature spirals out of control, your head explodes and you’ll be overwhelmed before you start. Keep your self-care experiments small, simple, pleasurable.

Upholders:

• Set up your weekly meal plan and do your grocery shopping on the weekend.
• Track your daily meal time and morning energy level.
• Prep your dinner when you make your breakfast.

I’m 99.99% an upholder! I need a schedule and a method for sticking to it!

Warning! All work and no play, makes me a restless and bitter soul. If I get too strict about my scheduled habits, my jaw tightens, heart races and breath shortens. All signals point to anxiety, the upholders nemesis! I choose to care for myself, so that I am open and available to enjoy life and the people in it! Are you with me?

Rebels:

• Ask yourself a few questions:
  • Why on earth would you want to eat and early lighter dinner?
  • Stellar physique, crystal clear thoughts, radiant spirit. Want those? The consequences are shocking!
  • Who do you want to be: someone who’s stiff as a board or flows like water?
• Call yourself out as the “cool one” among your friends who eat later and heavier and can’t seem to shed the extra 5-10 pounds or complain about feeling lousy and unfocused.
• Be curious. Experiment with different meal options. Follow your own call. You’ve got choices. Which one feels like it will help you the most?

Warning! While you love dancing to your own rhythm, you need others for support too. Make your dance more engaging, enchanting, fulfilling. Surround yourself with the other people and their wellbeing vibration. You’ll find your unique way there.

“It’s been freeing to focus on what works for me rather than what’s wrong with me.”

Gretchen Rubin

Take care: Self-Care

All of us could benefit from more self-care, no matter if you’re an obliger, upholder, questioner or rebel. Embrace your tendency. Discover what you need to thrive at your best! If you want to maximize your self-care benefits, join a group, like Body Thrive or find a coach that works in a community near you. Being in a group of self-care seekers will be one of the most rewarding adventures of your life.

“The happiest, healthiest, most productive people aren’t those from a particular Tendency, but rather they’re the people who have figured out how to harness the strengths of their Tendency, counteract the weaknesses, and build the lives that work for them.”

Gretchen Rubin

What tendency are you? Share below if this helps you stay on track to build the life that works for you.

Cate Stillman, our innovative, inspiring, Yoga Healer leader, raised that unearthing question at the opening of the Fall 2017 Yoga Healer retreat in Rapid City, South Dakota.

Cate’s question hit me (and I’m sure many others) like a bulldozer plowing down a community of trees, vigorously clearing space for retail development. Have you ever witnessed such ground shaking heartbreak?

Sometimes expansion hurts, tugging at your roots, exposing your heart space, leaving tears in your eyes.

Deep Inquiry Uproots Fear: “How will you show up?”

Have you ever been uprooted by such a question? What did you do? Did you fall down, freak out, cry, or question your beliefs? Yeah…I thought so.

“How will you show up?” sparks deep inquiry, leading to more questions, provoking self-doubt and fear.

What do you mean how will I show up? I will show up as me, isn’t that enough? Do I have to be someone else? Who am I if I’m not me? I can’t do this alone. And the mind spins madly on.

Never having been to a Yoga Healer retreat before, I had no expectations and many hidden reservations. My surface-level response to Cate’s question was ‘I’m all in. I’m ready for action, I’m will engage my edge’ (3 potent Yoga Healer Ground Rules for Dynamic Groups).

Transformation, collaboration…bring it! You can’t resist the mobilizing vibe that Cate emits.

Discover New Roots: Yoga Healer Forest is Calling You Home

Instead of being carried away by fear, you can use deep inquiry to explore new mental, physical, emotional, spiritual roots, ones that will nourish you not suck the life force out of you. Your evolution depends on the network you tap into. 

Similar to a deciduous forest, the Yoga Healer community is ready to support your evolutionary growth, through every season. We will not leave you flailing alone, like Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree, because we need your roots too!

“The reason trees share food and communicate is that they need each other. It takes a forest to create a microclimate suitable for tree growth and sustenance. So it’s not surprising that isolated trees have far shorter lives than those living connected together in forests…rendered deaf and dumb.”,

Tim Flannery

(Inspired? Add The Hidden Life of Trees to your reading list)

The Transformative Power of Retreats

Before the RCSD (our YH tribe speak) retreat, I was hanging out at the edges of the YH community. I got on as many calls as I could, jumped in the Facebook forum a few times per week, worked the habits and started leading my own habits course, building roots in my local community.

But something was missing. My roots needed a different kind of energy. I was confident about what was slowly growing underneath me but I wanted to extend my branches and physically connect with other trees who were on the same growth path and a few seasons ahead of me. 

I was jealous of the vibrant connections I sensed between more “mature” members. I wanted in. So I took the monumental (pun intended) leap to Rapid City. The retreat theme (all retreats have a connecting theme) was “Breaking Glass Ceilings”. Oh ouch! I’m in!

After a few days at the retreat, some of my old gnarly roots surfaced. I know I wasn’t alone. Self-doubt and fear were palpable. My self-saboging tendencies – isolation and judgment – scraped at my insides. I began to compare my personal and professional progress to other tribe members. I didn’t have all the 10 Body Thrive habits dialed in. Does anyone? 

My business was in it’s seedling phase. I wanted to slip off in a corner, shivering alone in the wind. But guess what? The tribe and our vibrant leader drew me back in. My natural lively spirit lit up as we goofed around at nightly improv and prioritized connectivity, listening deeply in small circles.

“It appears that nutrient exchange and helping neighbors in times of need is the rule, and this leads to the conclusion that forests are superorganisms with interconnections much like ant colonies.”,

Peter Wohlleben

I started to feel like these people (superorganisms) really cared about me and I cared deeply for them. I had a new home, a new family. 

A forest of friends I could trust.

We Never Stop Growing

After the retreat, a small group of us stayed connected through weekly support calls. The energy from the retreat and our weekly calls nurtured our continual growth.

I was now growing in all directions, down, out and up. I guided my first coaching group through 12 weeks of their own habit transformations and I was on to my next group.

Yet, I sensed I was playing it safe. I burrowed in the comfort of my small community (kind of nice in winter). But I knew I was stunting my growth. I needed nurturing energy sap again. Thank Goddess another retreat was around the corner!

Next Stop…Mexico!

This time there were more of us (35). SUPping, surfing, whale-watching, thai massage, fresh fruit and seafood, Cate’s famous balls… Yum!

Being Fed

Oh… and then there was the stuff that really fed us. The Collective Leadership theme wove it’s way through all of our group and partner activities. We tapped into who, what, why, how and how many we are leading.

We all wanted to know how we can show up and serve each other and our communities from rooted, connected and authentic ground. It was clear by the end of the retreat that we got what we wanted and more. 

Thank you to all the amazing women who supported me as some deep scars emerged. Your love was a sweet sap that has been missing from my life for a long time.

Rotting Roots Need to be Pruned.

We left the retreat with many vital strategies but on the top of the list was pruning. You must cut back things that are stealing energy from your dharmic core. You must own up to and align yourself with your strengths. You will feel liberated as you prune away old habits, mental patterns, emotional ties, and physical barriers.

All Members are Welcome!

No matter what Yoga Healer course you are thriving in, you are welcome! Cate is a master of making everyone feel welcome. If your goal is deeper integrity with the habits, your business, your relationships, you’ll be well fed. 

We leave no one out.

“Every tree, therefore, is valuable to the community and worth keeping around for as long as possible. And that is why even sick individuals are supported and nourished until they recover.”

Peter Wohlleben

See you in Salt Lake City! 

Are you ready for your next phase of growth? Me neither. A little scared. Me too. If you truly want to evolve, you need a community. Rumor has it we’re gonna be doing some shadow boxing.

Be all in.

I’ll leave you with one of our Ground Rules for Dynamic Groups. This one is top on our list:

“Dynamic groups gain traction when every member is fully engaged. Being “all in” turns on our ability to listen deeply for the truth or essence behind the words. Being “all in” means being equally interested in our personal growth and the group’s growth. Each member takes responsibility for the group’s experience. In a group, being “all in” means speaking up to step into more growth for oneself or for another member. When a dynamic group is “all in” for each member, they have each other’s backs. This creates a safe space for growth. Those who are shy or “lurking’ call themselves forward to participate with the group in a more interconnected way. Those who “dominate” call themselves back to build the support container for the group. Everyone can then show up more fully, attentively and vulnerably.”

 

Conquer your Fears.

Be all in. 

The Yoga Healer Forest Awaits You. 

Join us at the next retreat in Salt Lake City, Utah!

I’ve run the experiment.

The results: Trying to launch my wellness career alone sucks! In business, going at it solo is a dead-end path.You’re a wellness leader. You care about helping others. Are you having the impact you desire? If so, great, forge ahead. If you want to enjoy exponential growth, read on. You’ll see why going at it alone is a fixed, dead-end approach and be inspired to transform your mindset and nurture your potential in a dynamic group of growth-minded wellness leaders. 

The key to growth is the introduction of higher dimensions of consciousness into our awareness.

– Lau Tzu.

While growth is one of my highest values, I have a tremendous fear of failure. I don’t want to expose myself in the early stages of development. I don’t have enough information yet. I can’t possibly have an impact if I’m not an expert. People will see me as a fraud. Instead of asking others to support my growth, I contract, isolate, and drown my desires in fear. I shut down the growth path from the get go. Sound familiar? What I realize now is that although I value growth, my mindset around growth has been fixed. There was only one way to grow and it was on my own. After all isn’t that what solopreneur means?

Which Mindset are you operating from?

“Your mindset is the view you adopt about yourself.” Psychologist Carol Dweck’s book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success cracked open my mind about how I had been viewing myself as I contemplated my dreams. 

Your mindset profoundly affects the way you lead your life. It can determine whether you become the person you want to be and whether you accomplish the things you value.

– Carol Dweck.

Dweck describes 2 mindsets fixed and growth: “The fixed mindset makes you concerned with how you’ll be judged; the growth mindset makes you concerned with improving.” I was approaching my business dreams armored with fear of judgement and failure.

According to Dweck, we can have different mindsets about different parts of ourselves. You may have a growth mindset when it comes to your intelligence, believing that your intelligence is malleable, while you may believe your personality traits are fixed. My stubborn, “I’ll do it alone” approach is a fixed mindset that I’ve clung to for too long.

Isolation is a self-sabotaging behavior that feels like a contraction around the heart. Growth is not possible in a contracted, isolated state. Not only was my fixed mindset closing off my heart, my head hurt. Trying to build a website, blog, learn about marketing, do my own accounting, were all foreign to me. I may have looked at a few websites trying to figure out how to assemble these pieces on my own. But did I ask for help? Heck no!

Is fear of failure holding you back?

I didn’t want to risk being judged. I would see feedback as criticism rather than support. Intolerance to criticism, mistakes and setbacks is classic fixed mindset according to Dweck. In my contracted state, I couldn’t see that the work I desired to do, pursuing my passion, required a group. Late in 2016, my mind cracked open. I couldn’t take the mind-numbing pain any longer. One day after many years of following Cate Stillman on Yoga Healer podcasts and blogs, I decided….ENOUGH! I reached out. I was ready to admit I needed help. I became a member of the Yoga Health Coaching community. Joining the YHC community has been the smartest decision I’ve ever made. Why did I wait so long? Before joining the Yoga Health Coaching community, I had a fixed mindset about growth. I was going to grow my business on my own. I was going to do it my way. I didn’t want to seek out help for fear of failure and judgement. I needed to shift my mindset. If I wanted to inspire others to grow, I needed to adopt a growth mindset. And I needed a community to shift my mindset from my isolated fixed way of doing things to a dynamic, growth-oriented approach. 

This growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts, your strategies, and help from others.

– Carol Dweck.

The last part of that quote is life enhancing…help from others.

Our community has a growth mindset.

How do we support a growth mindset? We have rules. No, these rules aren’t about right and wrong. The Ground Rules for Dynamic Groups of Yoga Health Coaching are about cultivating our unique abilities to inspire growth through dynamic group engagement. The intro to our “rules” reads: All members of your dynamic group are on a growth path and their pace on this path accelerates in an engaging and supportive environment. As each member “pays forward” their attention and commitment to the group, the group gives back exponential value to each member. Higher levels of growth and development only happen when we surrender to and commit within a dynamic group and stop trying to evolve alone. BAM! That’s a growth mindset! Together we Engage our Edges and Nurture Identity Evolution and we Reach Out When We Tweak Out (3 of my favorite rules). We connect through private Facebook forums, weekly coaching calls, mentorship, bi-annual retreats, mastermind groups and more. “Why look for friends or partners who will just shore up your self-esteem instead of ones who will also challenge you to grow? People in a growth mindset don’t just seek challenge, they thrive on it. The bigger the challenge, the more they stretch.”, Carol Dweck. So again, I ask you: Are you having the impact you desire? If not you may want to check your fixed mindset at the door and try on something new…a growth mindset. Stop wandering aimlessly. You can change your mindset and it’s much more adaptable in community. Nurture your passion in community. You need a community to thrive. Welcome to our Tribe! Open arms, hearts and minds await you. Check out Yoga Health Coaching and accelerate your growth. “

We have all known the long loneliness, and we have found that the answer is community.

– Dorothy Day