Knowing your self from the inside is self-care.  Can you think of three self-care practices that you do regularly? Looking at your list are they extrinsic, meaning does it require someone or something else (ie massage, pedicure, glass of wine)? What would it be like to take your self-care practices to the next level by learning intrinsic self-care?  Personally, before I can integrate a new practice I need to know where I am starting from, what my current behaviors and triggers are and why do I want to evolve them. For the holidays, acknowledging my comfort eating style was a good start.

I tend to be introverted and shy away from holiday gatherings.  When party tasks are delegated I am the one that signs up for cutlery.  This is my way of staying accountable and actually attending, as I know that the hostess and persons who brings a big bowl soup would be terribly annoyed with me if I did not show up with spoons.

Getting ready for a holiday affair, my old self would drink a few glasses of wine (liquid courage), then grab the Cutlery and head for the car.  I would take a deep breath and tell myself, everything will be okay. You only have to stay an hour. My senses would be overstimulated with holiday lights, sounds and smells.  My digestive system greeted by soda pop, Chex mix, and holiday themes of cheese, gluten and white sugar.

In large groups, I tend to accommodate.  Why? I want to socially fit in with the tribe.  To be accepted and liked. I would eat food I didn’t want to eat because I wanted to fit in, knowing that I would be rewarded with a distended belly in the morning.  I would smile and listen to conversations that really weren’t that interesting. I would experience a sleepless night due to the digestive mix and worry that I said the wrong thing. Late at night my inner voice spoke to me in a loud critical voice, rewinding the night’s events.

Know Your Comfort Eating Style

Ali Shapiro, MSOD, CHHS, holistic nutritionist and health coach and founder of True with Food explains binge eating through the lens of three comfort eating styles: the Accommodator, the Competitor and the Avoider.  I like the way she breaks the styles down because I easily identify with all three of them.

Everyone has experienced all three eating styles at one time or another.  Like the three doshas, we identify with the one style or dosha that is the most dominant.  For the Ayurveda perspective, I turn to Brodie Welch, health coach and self-care strategist. She describes the Accommodator as Kapha, the Competitor as Pitta and the Avoider as Vatta.

Kapha:  The Accommodator:  Do you eat to please others and/or keep the peace?  If yes, you are an Accommoder. Scenario:  You are at a family gathering.  Aunt Clara proudly displays the holiday table and feast she has been preparing for days for you and others.  When you take a small portion of each dish you are greeted with: “You eat like a bird. What is the matter with you?  Eat more I prepared this for you!”  What do you say to yourself and then Aunt Clara?

Pitta: The Competitor:  Are you a competitive eater?  Do your eating patterns fluctuate between strict and binging? If yes, you are a Competitor.  Scenario: At the work party you are feeling super fit and toned in your new slinky little black dress.  The strict diet and workouts have paid off! You are enjoying holiday toasts when suddenly, the topics turn political.  You feel yourself becoming angry as you do not agree on the political nature or tone. Listening to the supportive cheers you feel more and more disenchanted with the evening.  You walk to the wine table to refill your wine glass and are greeted by mouth-watering cheeses, salty crackers and delectable chocolates. Does the voice it your head say, awe screw it and you start binge eating?

Vatta:  The Avoider:  Do you eat absentmindedly on the run?  Are you hungry after you eat because you did not chew, smell or taste the textures of your food? If yes, you are an avoider.  Scenario: You made it to the party and you suddenly realize how tired you are.  You find yourself in the kitchen next to the holiday Chex mix. As you unconsciously put you hand in the bowl and begin eating, you review your day and check off the boxes, suddenly realizing that you have not eaten all day.  You look down at the bowl and the Chex mix is all gone. What is the voice in your head saying after you ate all the Chex mix?

Developing a Relationship with the Voice in Your Head

Working with the voice in my head, my inner critic, is a daily practice.  I have learned strategies and some of the best are from Acharya Shunya. She is a master and spiritual teacher of Vedic Yoga and Ayurveda.  From Vedic Philosophy there are 4 guidelines when speaking to yourself or others.

1. Do no harm (nonviolent communication)
2. Speak your truth
3. Speak in a pleasant tone
4. Rein in your ego.  Is what you are about to say contributing to the conversation?

Using the 4 guidelines of Vedic communication as a base, you can decrease the anxiety and tension which can arise during conversation while speaking your truth in a kind and caring way. We can all begin with acknowledgment.  Hosting a party and food preparation takes time. Many men and women work full time, juggle household duties and have responsibilities caring for children or aging parents. They may also have financial or medical struggles we don’t know about.

Kapha:  What do you say to yourself and then Aunt Clara?  Take a breath and get centered. Begin with acknowledging her for her efforts and complimenting her on the savory food.  You can tell her that you are taking smaller portions because you know that each dish was prepared with love. You want to take the time to enjoy the smell, texture, and taste which will fill you up faster.

Pitta: Does the voice in your head say, “Awe screw it” and you start binge eating? When alcohol is flowing people tend to become ungrounded.  Everyone has their own opinion which is based on their perspective to life.  What would it be like to be curious and ask questions with no judgement?

Vata:  What is the voice in your head saying after you ate all the Chex mix?  What would it be like to say in a  gentle, kind voice, “Opps! Hummm, I can’t undo that and I am still hungry.  I think I will sit down, slow down, and breathe. I will nourish my body with some warm vegetable soup.”

Holiday Action Plan: I want you to have a healthy and nourishing holiday season.  Now that your clear on the three styles of eating, grab a piece of paper and brainstorm on how you will change your patterns. Tell me below in the comments.   

References:
http://brodiewelch.com/how-we-eat-is-how-we-live-unapologetic-feminist-self-care/
https://alishapiro.com/about-ali-shapiro/
https://yogahealer.com/?s=acharya+shunya
https://www.acharyashunya.com/

*Special thank you to Elise, Kari and Alec for your encouragement on writing this blog.

A week away from the stress of daily living. Time with friends. Time outside.

Vacation helps us to recharge and feel great in our bodies and our minds. To settle and feel more at ease.

This summer, my husband and I were fortunate enough to go on vacation with some friends to an island on the East Coast. We ate fresh seafood and produce, lots of vegetables and lighter fare. We got daily exercise by walking for miles on the beach, playing for hours in the waves of the ocean, and riding a bike along the trails. We played games with our friends and had quality conversations away from electronics. We went to bed early and experienced sound sleep after a long day of outdoor activity. And I rose early in the mornings to sit outside in silence and listen to the sounds of the island.

It’s really no wonder that this type of vacation helps us to feel so great. With a laid-back schedule of space and freedom, we are resetting our nervous system to match the rhythms of nature by allowing ourselves to step out of our busy schedules and fall into the calmness of just being. We are typically also more mindful on vacation to enjoy every moment, to soak up time with those we are with, and to purposefully check out from the stress of work and home. Our bodies and minds get time to expand, release, and relax.

But alas, all vacations must come to an end.

What if we could give ourselves a vacation from the stress and anxiety that comes with daily living without going anywhere? By mindfully planning the habits we practice daily, we can do just that. If we set our schedule up to support aligning our habits with the rhythm of nature, our nervous system can feel better every day and we can experience less stress and anxiety. Mindfully creating our daily schedule can set us up for happier and healthier lives in which we experience more of that refreshed vacation feel every day.

Routine is a great way to calm the nervous system. Patterns in our schedule help the brain and body feel more secure and stable by knowing what to expect and reducing the amount of decision-making involved in daily living. It’s almost as if we can approach our nervous system like a child. Too many decisions and too much stimulation will frazzle and fray our nervous system. We can actually fall victim to decision fatigue and by the end of a long day or by the end of the week, we are making poorer decisions and giving in to things that are not moving us closer to our goals. This, along with the responsibilities and stressors we are faced with as adults, can push us over the edge and into desperate need of a break. If we can automate our habits, we free up energy that we would be using to make little decisions and this freedom adds up. We are also guaranteeing ourselves a better chance of continuing with the choices we feel good about rather than rolling the dice on whether or not we will follow through when we are mentally and physically drained.

As a mental health therapist, my patients are often puzzled when I start digging into their daily routines and prescribing schedule changes to support mental health. There are small adjustments we can make to our schedules to enable increase in daily peace. We must be able to step back and assess if our schedule is working against how we want to feel. Because our identity is so closely tied to what we do repeatedly day after day, it is of utmost importance to create a schedule that will allow us to find ease in our minds and bodies. We have the ability to feel our best if we take the time upfront to do the planning.  

Eating our meals at the same time every day and drinking only water between meals can make a huge difference. When we eat our meals at regular times, our bodies can stop wondering when the next round of nourishment will come and how to allocate the nutrients from the last. Fasting between meals can help the digestive and nervous systems to have time to rest and restore, setting us up for optimal digestion, absorption, and elimination along with more peace of mind in the absence of constant internal stimulation. The adjustment of transitioning from a grazer to an intermittent faster can end up being more of a mental challenge than a physical one, so mindfully noticing the stories we tell ourselves is also helpful.

Next, setting our bed and rise times for the same time every day can help to reset our circadian rhythms. This enables the body and the brain to know when to rise and shine so that we awake ready to face the day and when to reset and rejuvenate so that we experience restful sleep. Consistent bed and rise time- even on weekends- can help us to more easily get out of bed in the morning every day rather than depending on caffeine so heavily or battling with the snooze button for the first few days of every week. Our bodies weren’t created with a workday/weekend schedule in mind, so winding down at the same time every day can help us to more easily fall asleep and feel more rejuvenated the next day.

It may sound boring to settle into a rhythm of eating and sleeping at the same times every day, but the calming effects on the nervous system are well worth it. And we will find that we have more energy and better concentration to boot. Getting our bodies realigned with their natural rhythms can help us live with more joy and the enthusiasm of feeling good every day. What’s boring about that?!

For this vacation effect, we don’t even have to save up money or count down the days. We can start immediately and feel better in our bodies, minds, and lives right now. Join a group who is already working on the habits, start a book club, or try reaching out to others who are interested in shifting the way they feel as well. Start with small changes and see how you feel. Think about how your daily schedule is different on a vacation or how your ‘perfect’ day would look and take steps to make that a reality.

See what changes you can make in the next week and what works or what doesn’t. Comment below and let me know how it’s going. I will be trying right along with you.