Life Happens

Sound familiar? If it doesn’t now, it will soon. Why? Because life happens. This is not meant to be a grim warning, it’s just reality. Sometimes in life we lose – a loved one, a relationship, a job or special project. Sometimes the loss hits hard. Other times the wave of the loss simply washes over us, and we’re able to move forward with ease. Other times we are broadsided.

The question is how will you choose to handle your next unexpected trauma? Being informed and having a plan may help you navigate the process with more grace and ease.

My Story

Six months ago, I was just back from Yogahealer Mexico Retreat. A profound experience with more than twenty like-minded women. I was on fire. Following the retreat, I was clear on my next course of action for my relationships and my business. I was wide-open and firing on all cylinders. I felt phenomenal. In the week I returned home, I discovered I was pregnant! This was the icing on the cake! I was full of magic potential and I could not wait to see what was next.

Five short days later I woke in the night to the horrible realization that I was miscarrying. I went to the doctor, cried with my husband, talked to a few friends, brushed myself off and then jumped right back into my old life like nothing happened. My mantra was, “Keep on Trucking.”  I knew I was sad, but I didn’t want to face my feelings, so I did what the old Gin would do. I yogied by day (wearing the visage of a happy, healthy coach) and drank wine by night. I ate heavy and late. I stayed up watching TV and I let go of my meditation practice. Soon symptoms of my previously dormant autoimmune disease began to reemerge along with uncomfortable digestion and leaky gut. Hello, old tattered sweater.

The thing about healthy habits is, once you have developed them, you know how bad it feels when they are gone. My internal dialogue began to shift as I realized the serious consequences of returning to my old worn out habits. “I no longer want to be like you, old self.” “Ugly old sweater, you do not spark joy.” I needed these declarations as I began to recognize the difference between the me I had been evolving towards and the me that relied on attachment to address trauma.

I will survive!

I have survived trauma before. I know how it feels to sit with it, to wear it like an old tattered sweater, even to define myself by it. When I began to identify with my trauma: “I am a wife and mother who will never have another baby” I began limiting my evolution. Limitations can be seductive. We hold on to them for the same reason we hold on to old things, like the sweater that no longer fits, even when it no longer sparks joy… because there is comfort in identifying with the familiar “old self.” Change is scary. In my case, the person who wore that ugly sweater could sit comfortably with pain and even more comfortably with the use of old habits – like overdrinking and overeating – to numb that pain and tap out. The new and evolved version of me was someone who identifies with higher truths: “I am a wife and mother who is healthy and joyfully births many creative endeavors.” Instead of the slubby sweater, I wanted to emerge as polished, vibrant and authentic, in a cocktail dress! In order to realign with my new truth I knew that something had to change – NOW! I knew it was time to digest my trauma.

Trauma, Ama, and Ayurveda:

Trauma typically appears without warning. And while trauma and grief are separate, the processes are often linked. Often we need to grieve when there is trauma, and sometimes the grief process can be traumatic in itself.

In psychology, when you notice trauma creating symptoms in the body it is called somaticizing. This is the process in which the mental state produces physical symptoms. Think headaches, weight gain, difficult digestion, etc. Through the lens of Ayurveda we go one step deeper. Why does mental/emotional trauma cause these symptoms? The answer is – Ama. Ama is the sludgy toxic waste left behind by anything that is undigested – be it food, thoughts, or emotions. Ama is sticky, and difficult to move. Ama can result from a physical toxin that you ingest or ama can result from an experience, such as trauma. Ama arises when anything you take in through your senses is goes undigested. Once ama takes hold in weak tissues of the body-symptoms emerge. In my case, my trauma showed up in my thyroid and my gut due to my Autoimmune disease. When trauma creates ama the body feels slow, almost inert as ama suffocates cellular regeneration. Physically, mentally and emotionally, you get “stuck.” And where ama takes hold due to trauma, grief takes hold too. Now, instead of moving through a process, progressing through the stages of grief in a healthy way, you are stuck in it.

If, however, you prefer to be unstuck and if you like the feeling of being in integrity with right action, you can choose to process grief and trauma in the moment and weeks thereafter, rather than getting stuck in the ama. Your body has the capacity to move through the ama, but it needs support. Rather than amplify the pain and the process, you can choose to be in it to move through it. Uncomfortable, yes, but necessary. Here are some suggestions to help:

1. Practice Self-Love with Oil – In Ayurveda, the word for oil has the same meaning as the word love. Take time to perform deep self massages or Abhyanga with a warming oil like sesame. This helps mobilize ama and allows you to talk to your tissues before somatization sets in. Applying essential oils to the feet before bed – like clary sage and lavender, help fight depression and prepare for deep rest.  Eat warm, soupy, even slightly oily foods. Keep your digestion supple with oil. It will help you to process ama and move it out of your body.
2. Early, Lighter Dinner – take the first habit of Body Thrive to heart. In order to rest well and (see below) ease the load on digestion, eat several hours before going to bed. This simple habit will leave you lots of extra energy to digest trauma. When you are actively experiencing a fight or flight response in your nervous system or have any symptoms of adrenal fatigue, it is not wise to skip meals. Instead, plan to eat warm meals with warming spices (like cumin, cinnamon, clove or ginger.) Warm, easy to digest foods leave you feeling grounded and nourished. Don’t overload your digestion with processed or sugary foods that create more ama while digesting your trauma.
3. Early to Bed – One of the best places to process grief is in the deep restoration of sleep. Prepare for restful sleep with a set bedtime routine. Mineral baths (like epsom salt) are grounding and allow you to wind down for bed. Get to bed well before 10PM. This will allow your body to use its natural nighttime bile production to process emotional ama. Create the opportunity for your body to go into several cycles of restorative REM sleep by allowing 8-10 hours for sleep during trauma recovery.
4. Rest Deep – Take time off. Really. Now. Taking time to deeply rest and tend to yourself in the moment. If you feel like you don’t have time, be aware that taking time earlier in the process will minimize the amount of time you need to take off later should the ama take a stronger hold. In my case, with miscarriage, total bed rest was recommended by my Ayurvedic Practitioner immediately after it happened. By ignoring my body’s need to rest I began the path toward dis-ease – later needing a full month off to finally process my grief. Stop, drop, and be present to your experience. If you find meditation difficult during this time try restorative yoga or yoga nidra. Your body, mind and spirit will thank you.
5. Journal – Journal your feelings, your sadness, your anger and your gratitude. Write a letter to that which you lost. Give all your emotions to the page. Give voice to your grief. Hold nothing back. Allow your true Self to feel heard.

Like I said, life happens. Have a plan for the next time you experience trauma and times when unprocessed grief arises. Learn from your experiences and allow the process to grow you and shape you into the next best version of your highest SELF.

Ayurveda teaches meditation in dinacharya to build strength and balance and is recognized by many top health resources as a key daily practice. Meditation makes the habit list in Body Thrive. “Metaprograming” puts meditation in its top 5 keystone habits, and even Business Insider: lists it in the top 8 as a must haves.

“Neuroscientists have discovered that when you ask the brain to meditate, it gets better, not just at meditating, but at a wide range of self-control skills. Over time, [meditators’] brains become finely tuned willpower machines.” Says Dr. Kelly McGonical in The Willpower Instinct. Western medicine is exploring mindfulness to help manage chronic pain and promote wellness. Dr. Jon Kabot Zin founded “Mindfulness based Stress Reduction” to help chronically ill patients move through pain. If your clients don’t meditate, a regular practice may seem far away.

How can you as their coach help get this started with the life changing practice?

When people have an established practice they have travelled from noisy and ahead of themselves, to delightful silence and presence, maybe even to bliss. In your wellness practice you can help clients close the distance, develop the discipline to sit, quiet their minds and build this wonderful health habit.

Establish a Meditation Practice Before You Need It

You don’t want clients waiting until an emergency.

I so appreciate that my practice was there like a life preserver when I most needed it. I was on vacation in Nevada when I suffered a detached retina. When they tested my vision and I couldn’t even see the nurse, never mind the letters on the eye chart. The tear was too severe for a basic laser repair. I was given the option to stay out west for up to six months or fly home for emergency surgery.

Home I went for surgery and a long recovery. I was given stern instructions that I had to hold still. Keep my head at a fixed angle for twenty three hours a day, for months with minimal eye movement allowed.

No yoga, exercise, TV, or reading permitted. I could listen and I could meditate. High correlation between holding still and healing meant I really needed to cultivate stillness and hold my head at the specified angle. It hurt, really hurt to hold still day after day. My world felt very small and uncertain.
Meditation became my refuge and Mantra my close friend. I practiced in silence and aloud fingering my mala beads. Guided meditation with mantra and chanting was on my frequent playlist. I designed my own statements to support healing my eye and my heart. The practice anchored me in positivity and extinguished my fear.

Get clients started –  Share the healing power of mantra

Start by simply having a conversation about meditation as a practice and a regular habit. Meditation is not like a pill that you take and feel better. It is a practice that works if you work at it. Does it resonate for them?

If so, teach them or direct them to one of many free and paid programs online. If they are more of a self starter, there are some really helpful CDs and books. Sally Kempton’s Meditation for the Love of it and Beginning Meditation are wonderful resources. Most forms of this practice engage different senses to focus.

• Silence
• Guided Meditation (listening to someone else)
• Appreciation (Gratitude Practice)
• Trataka (Flame Gazing), Pranayama (follow your breath)
• Mantra (repeat a spiritual phrase silently or a loud) are a few focus options to offer. Here are some  example mantra chants.

Each person must meet themselves where they are and start to practice in a way that is natural. Mantra is a one way to ease in. A mantra is a spiritual word phrase or verse that can affect change through repetitive use. This is a meditation technique that narrows and uplifts focus. Get a starting mantra from a teacher or pick a specific mantra based on your learning path.

Why is mantra easy?

• You sidestep your normal mental chatter using a word or phrase.
• Simply speak it and listen.
• Mantra is flexible you can do it anywhere for any length of time.
• Pick your mantra to clarify your intention or support specific healing.

Find Your Mantra

Clients often need help to find the right words when they are getting started. Here are examples  of very simple traditional mantra in Sanskrit and English that anyone can use to bring power to their practice.

Well known Mantra phrases

None of the above work for your client?  Help them make their own.

Things to consider when creating your own mantra:

• Substantial – Mantra Mahavakyas (Serious Statements) or affirmations are serious tools to spur growth.
• Positive – I am spirit versus I am not just a body.
• Speak in the Present Tense – I am, I do, I feel, not I will.
• Resonant – The words should resonate. Create a vibration that lights your client up.
• Simple – They want to latch onto their Mantra and repeat it often during quiet time to have good effect. Simple and memorable helps this.
• Specific – Target what they want to shape and heal.
• Wording – Use the language that works; Sanskrit, Other or English, formal or casual.

Using these guidelines, have clients write down a few ideas. Relax and then repeat each aloud. Have them feel the vibration and tune in to align with what will work best. Ideally mantra is uplifting and makes you feel good. Cross out any options that go thud. Listen for what consoles and inspires to help fine tune this process!

I tried a bunch of different options. Here are two examples I used. “My vision is sharp and clear, my view of the world is bright and beautiful”, “I am whole, perfect, strong, loving, harmonious, healthy, and happy.”

Success for your client

There you have it. It’s also important to work with clients to get clear on their why  as they are selecting or creating their mantra. Once they have a mantra that works for them the next step is to create the structure (time place trigger tools) to succeed. Check in with them be sure the habit sticks and watch the benefits roll in.

Mantra is a great way to help clients begin a meditation practice.

I credit Mantra with saving my sight and sanity as it helped me heal during one of the most challenging periods of my life.

Make friends with mantra in your own life and share the healing power of meditation with your clients.