These are terms that have been thrown around a lot in recent years, but what do they mean? Collaboration. Collective leadership means that leadership powers are distributed throughout the group or organization. In a model of collective leadership all the people involved feel responsible for the success of the whole group- not just their own. In this model, instead of asking, what’s in it for me?,  we ask, how can we all make this work better and reach more people?. In a mastermind group, individuals work with one or more people from different organizations to help and support each other in attaining goals.

During our retreat, everyone came from different backgrounds like yoga, massage, and business, had different life experience and points of view, and came from all parts of the country and world and had different target audiences. Yet we realized that we could all could teach the 10 habits of Body Thrive in our own unique ways. As a yoga teacher, I was able to share how I teach the breath and body practices habit to those who don’t have experience teaching. The massage therapist gave great tips on how to teach self-massage.  The nutritionist had insights to presenting Healthier Eating Guidelines that I hadn’t previously considered. Those more skilled in marketing and social media helped me to choose the best online marketing products to better reach my target audience. We collaborated together to best name and package our services and businesses. Whatever our sticking point was, we could find support from someone in the group who could more objectively look at our challenges and see possibilities not previously seen.

There is Not Only One Prize

Competition assumes that there is a prize that only one or a few have earned.  At the retreat, there wasn’t just one prize to be gained.  There was no need to determine the BEST idea, who made more money or got more views on Facebook. We were instead aligning to the best version of ourselves. The spirit of collaboration in the air at the retreat created a safe space for me to open up and share. I walked away with not only a transformed business,  but a new and updated view of my role as a healer.

Your Zone of Genius

We are all trying to find our ZOG or Zone of Genius — when we are truly working and living “in the flow state” – doing work that we love where our background, personality and natural talents are best used. In the process of uncovering our own ZOG, our views can be tainted by our own fear or self-doubt. When we work on this process in a group, we get to test these limiting beliefs. Others can often see our assets and strengths more clearly than we can, unclouded by our own unprocessed baggage. Our vision of ourselves and our ideal work, becomes more clear.

Give Collaboration a Try

Want to give collaboration a try on your next project or course launch? Here are a few tips for great collaboration:

1. Set competition aside. Look at the strengths you have to share, what skills you need help with and see how you may be able to work together with others with advice, referrals and maybe even collaborating on a project.
2. Be willing to listen and share your ideas on the forum, with your accountability partner, or with a group of like-minded people in your community. Many communities already have small business association or you may get up a group on your own.
3. Let go of preconceived notions of lack or scarcity. Stop believing the outdated idea that there is not enough to go around and you won’t get your fair share. Releasing this limiting belief and be opening to the idea of abundance will help you build trust that there will be enough.
4. Be ready to ACT on your vision. Release fears and self-doubt. You are trying to be the best YOU possible which is always attainable if you let go of the things holding you back. Then take action.
5. Move out of your comfort zone and really listen when you collaborate. A good way to lean into your comfort zone is to try eliminating ”No but” from your vocabulary and replace it with “Yes and”. It’s amazing what can happen with this simple shift in semantics. Sometimes an idea that seems out of the question or makes you uncomfortable is just where you need to stretch yourself. Yes, I am uncomfortable with technology and I can set aside a little time to go on Mailchimp, or Basecamp or Google docs and make a start at setting up tools that will help me as I grow.

What would your life look like if you embraced collaboration rather than competition? Try it out and see. 🙂

Learning to Embrace the Journey

I took some typing classes as I made it to graduation and ventured into NYC, as my father and sister had done. I found a job as a secretary/clerk at an office near the Chrysler building which seemed great but being alone in the office with no one to talk to answering phones and keeping up with the pace was just draining me.

I quit that job and took a retail job to regroup but my father who was at first supportive of my quitting, started second guessing me. The outdated ideas of my overprotective and somewhat perfectionistic father felt smothering. This protective environment was easy and comfortable but I knew I wanted more.

One of my brothers offered to let me move in with his family in Virginia and I decided to confront my parents, pack up everything, leave my friends, quit my job and move to give myself space to come up with a plan. It was not easy, even living with my brother, but I found a job, got an apartment and built a new life where I felt more in control and was able to grow. The success I felt in being able to make this transition has led me to take more risks knowing I could deal with the struggles and the reward was not always what I anticipated but it was my choice on my path.

The Price of Change

Change does not come easy for anyone. We must take risks to change. There is a price to pay for change.

When embarking on a new path we have to figure things out along the way and find what works and doesn’t work with our new way of thinking, acting or feeling. We even have to give up things we have become comfortable with that really don’t serve us anymore.

As we work our way through changes we are not even sure of the true destination – we have an idea but the idea changes and adapts as we learn more about our goals and our challenges. Things we thought would be easy might be harder than we think. We learn and grow. It always seems other people change more seamlessly than we do, that they don’t face the challenges we do but that is likely not the case.

The Pathway to Ease

Habit change like giving up snacks, going to be later bedtime, and getting up earlier means giving up things I have gotten used to but risking our comfort will benefit me much more in improving my quality of life. The path may not be smooth and I may not have it all figured out.  It is a work in progress.

I start with a plan but the plan goes off track and I develop a new plan. Sunday afternoon seemed like a good time for meal planning but then I found that other things came up all the time, Monday afternoon is better. Those are all things I didn’t know until I went on the path. I don’t believe I have to be completely ready and have everything figured out ahead of time because change requires us to adapt and change as we change.

Things don’t have to work out right the first time or even the second we just have to start with our idea, find like-minded people along the way, and commit to a path to what we see is possible for us to feel at ease in our bodies and minds free from all the constraints and judgements the world often imposes.

Declaration for a more easeful existence

1. What would you put in your own declaration & commitment to a more easeful life?
2. What do you need to give up in your current patterns in order to move forward?
3. Who do you need to help you on the way and who isn’t going to be a help on your personal journey?
4. What personal struggles do you anticipate and what might you need to remember to keep you on track?

Create your plan but don’t be rigid or expect too much too soon- it all takes time.  Let me know what your declaration includes.

There was a movie called The Candidate about a man who grew up as the son of a politician. His family valued achievement, fame, and success in the eyes of the world. Instead of following the path of his father, the son played by Robert Redford, became an idealistic environmentalist who valued truth and honesty. He was not interested in the limelight and was able to stay true to his cause and achieve a life he was happy with.

However, during the course of the movie different forces eroded away his values. Each different shiny thing that came along appealed first to his desire to bring exposure to his cause and then started appealing to his ego.The movie takes you through all the compromises he had to make until at the end of the movie he could no longer remember what he stood for.

The character gave up the environmental causes he fully believed in, his own integrity, and eventually lost the trust of those around him. His values were lost in pursuit of someone else’s agenda. Not aligning even small choices with your values can erode your credibility with others and more importantly yourself.

Values are deeply held beliefs that define who you are.

Privacy, authenticity, being fair and being of service are values. So are are status, wealth, beauty and fame. You can see that 2 people with these different sets of values will have different priorities and would view the world differently. Neither of these sets of values are wrong they are just different and the things these 2 people need to be happy would be different.

An example of a goal would be: Become a Yoga Health Coach. A goal is something you want to achieve. Values guide decisions and influence behavior. Maintaining strong values reinforces healthy boundaries.

Given the same opportunity two people, who each have different values would make completely different decisions. And the same person will often make different value based decisions as the circumstances of their lives change and sometimes their values shift.  When I was first starting out I wanted new and different experiences. I valued freedom and independence as I moved away from home to establish myself and began a new career. I enjoyed travel and doing new things. Now I did not change as a person, but my values changed after my husband and I had children. I started to value structure, setting down and establishing my roots.  It is not that my past values were “wrong,” they just fit a different time in my life. Now stability as a value is more important to me as a family value. Some opportunities are simply not as attractive to me as they would have been in the past.

Define Your Family Values

Some families value achievement and being the best at school, in sports, etc. Families that value achievement would encourage the behavior of never giving up and never giving in. In my family we value trust and being truthful with each other. No matter the outcome there is no failure. These are all lessons learned. So for one family getting a C on a test or course is a failure, for us it is a measure of what you have learned. We have always been truthful with our boys and now that they are older they feel comfortable talking with us when they are having problems.They both know that we would be more upset if they hid things from us than if they are caught doing something they should not have. Even when things go wrong we support each other and don’t care about how things appear to others. There is no one-size fits all to planning.

Balancing Values

Over this past year I have become more politically active. Politics has never interested me but my values drove me to choose to become more engaged. This has led to getting dozens of requests for my time and/or money from multiple organizations. There is a natural urge to try and do everything.  Since I have my other values as well;  valuing my health, time, and energy I need to make decisions as to which request to follow up with and which to let go.  Some of the things I let go of are great causes but they are just not a good fit for me right now. Which actions I take will reflect my values and how I prioritize them.

My values reflect my actions and the way I live. If action is not aligned with values there is a disconnect that will cost you; now or later.  I spent hours standing and marching in Washington DC at the Women’s March and I walked in the rain on earth day for the March for Science. Visiting my senator’s office, calling my representatives and signing petitions is so out of my comfort zone. Doing nothing was not an option for me, based on my values, but with this list in mind I can keep track of the bigger big picture.

Looking through this new perspective choosing between options becomes easier and naturally helps me prioritize my time and focus.

Values can and do change or become more urgent at different times. Reassessments are necessary from time to time.

Find Your Values Manifesto

1. Get clear on your personal values right now. Do not censor yourself. If money is a value right now – own it.  At certain times and in certain circumstances money is a great and necessary value. Keep it simple though – values don’t have to be lofty, they just need to be true for you.
2. Discover the values of those around you. Talk to the people you live with or interact with the most. You probably will have many of the same values but you may find differences. These differences can shed some light on conflicts you have with them.
3. Live your values or redesign them. Put your money where your mouth is. Live and work with your values and your group/family values until they become comfortable. If there are conflicts talk them out and come to a compromise or agreement about how to handle this. Look at your choices, with your own vision and values, and prioritize and make decisions with these in mind.

Set Your Value Compass

What do you really value?  What would cause you to regret an otherwise great opportunity?  At the end of the day if you keep your values straight you can feel good about whatever you accomplished.

Base your goals and actions on your values. My goal is to be a Yoga Health Coach, that is something meaningful for me to achieve. Maintaining strong values reinforces healthy boundaries, guides all my decisions and influences the choices and boundaries I make.

What do your values drive you to do?  Scroll down and comment. What is your value manifesto and how this will change your boundaries this week?

Overwhelm. I often see this word on the Yoga Health Coaching forum and the Body Thrive forum. And it comes up a lot in daily casual conversations. People feel deluged with the amount of things on their to do list.They do not feel like they are keeping up.
Responsibilities at work and home are pulling all of us in too many directions.The complexities of living in the world today all pile on top of one another.

I often feel inundated with news, opinions, facts and fictions. I am bombard with things I want to do, need to do, or feel like I should do all the time. Often these different things pull me in all different directions.There are the responsibilities I have to the people closest to me, to my students and my business and then there are the very real threats and concerns in the world at large. Setting world concerns aside as a subject too big for this first blog, why does overwhelm seem to hit the mark for how I am feeling more accurately than anything else? What exactly am I feeling and how is it different from anxiety or fear?

At least for me, overwhelm occurs when I feel bombarded with new information. It does not make me feel anxious and I am not afraid because I know the bigger problem is that I do not have enough information. Overwhelm really is reaching a saturation point. Most of our triggers, like overwhelm, we see as our shortcomings or failures and they are really just signals from our mind AND body to look at what we are doing with a fresh eye. Give yourself the time to process.

What If I Changed My Relationship with Overwhelm?

Overwhelm usually involves new information or constantly changing life circumstances that we have not fully processed. Often times when we feel overwhelmed, we withdraw. When I was young I do not remember feeling overwhelm.There are a lot of reasons for that, not the least of which is, back then we were not being bombarded with so much information in all forms of media. The other thing is when I was young, new information was new and exciting. Everything was a new possibility and everything seemed interesting to try or learn.

What if I changed my relationship with overwhelm? What if overwhelm is not a problem, but a sign that I need to reassess and re-prioritize so that the new information can be taken in. What if overwhelm is an indication that I am saturated right now and need to step back and let what I just learned settle? What if I waited, then moved forward again- instead of running away.

I Felt Like Everyone was Ahead of Me!

When I started Yoga Health Coaching I had very minimal comfort with technology. I knew nothing about sales, but I was a successful yoga teacher. Once I started doing the coursework for Yoga Health Coaching, everyone seemed to be so far ahead of me. There were terms on the forum that were not familiar to me like, “start a new thread” or “tag me.” I may have heard of theses phrases before, but was not sure ‘how to do it.’ In my mind, this feeling of being behind just reinforced how much I needed to learn.

When I would try and actually do something new like set up a document on Google docs or do an e-mail to my list and things would not go the way I thought, I would become frustrated.  This would build into all of this anxiety that would force me to take a step back. At this point, taking a step back looked more like “Just give up. Who are you kidding?” and other not so nice things I said to myself about technology, and the world. You can fill in your own expletives & self deprecating phrases yourself. In the days that followed I would have periods of mourning, self-doubt, and giving up.

Hey It’s Just Like a Yoga Pose

Eventually I would have to return to the task at hand so I could be able to come up with a more useful question than “I don’t know what I did wrong?” I discovered that I did understand more than I thought I did. I could actually google a question or ask another person what I needed and then return to the bigger task with my new information and try it out. Most of the overwhelm was because I did not give myself enough time to integrate a new concept before adding on another. The overwhelm is part of the process of appreciating how much I have learned.

I realized that in order to get more done, I needed to do nothing but let everything settle. Just like in a yoga pose I am working on. I may know exactly what I need to do next, yet I still have to continue to work at it, to build strength and body awareness before it all falls into place. Everything integrates- not just the mind but the body and the spirit to allow me to go forward in any task, as with any new yoga pose.

Something Must Be Wrong with ME

The mind body connection is so important. When I am in ‘overwhelm,’ I have a tendency to focus on concrete mental parts of tasks that are not getting done because of the frustrations I am feeling. And I have found the most important thing is the automatic response of “What is wrong with ME?” or even “What is wrong with this program, app, process?” Why did I jump to something having to be WRONG, rather than accepting that this might be part of the process. Trying to do too much too soon, trying to do it all ourselves without help, and not looking at the bigger picture are often more of an issue than something wrong with ME or wrong with _____. Fill in the blank.

I tend to focus on why I can’t move forward and do not look back at all I have done. Often, not always, the overwhelm comes after I have had some big moves forward and I feel like I am getting the hang of things and then right after the roadblock comes. Why do I automatically go to the assumption that something is wrong, instead of looking at it as a sign that this is enough- for now. The mind has processed enough, the body is tired of sitting in one place, and I just need to step back and take a breath to settle everything in without judgement or blaming. So, I do that all the time now and life is rosey. Well, maybe not, but it is a reframe that I do try to remember before pitching my computer out the window.

Full Disclosure, I’m New to Blogging

This is one of my first blogs and it was intimidating to begin. In addition to the blogging and working on my Yoga Health Coaching certification there are many other things going on in the world and in my life that I do not have control over. I considered just dropping doing the blog but I really wanted to build this skill and begin to use the internet to grow my business- all very overwhelming to me. I did not grow up with technology. I went to college in the 70’s and typed term papers with carbon paper copies. All of the changes in communication and marketing are all new, and yes, overwhelming. Reframing and changing my perspective has given me the courage to move forward.

Here’s some tips to follow when you find yourself needing to reframe that overwhelm you are feeling:

1. Stop and breathe. Connect your mind, body and breath.
2. Give yourself credit for what you do understand or know. And for things that you need to clarify or study more closely, give yourself plenty of time to do just that.
3. ASK FOR HELP if you need it. There are resources out there. Use them. In talking out the problem, often the solution is found.
4. Take small steps forward. Don’t give up on yourself or the project. Chip away at the huge pile of facts, problems or issues and do what you can right now. It does not have to be everything, but as long as it is moving, integrating, and processing, something you do will get you forward.
5. Step back and allow your mind to absorb what it just learned.

So next time you notice you are feeling overwhelmed, try these few steps and move at YOUR own pace.  Don’t let the new information get you down. Instead, let the challenge move you forward.  What do you notice if you reframe the situation and find your own way?  Let me know if this changes anything for you.

Holidays and traditions allude to what our ancestors thought would be important for us to remember. These are their visions and values and by understanding them we can get a stronger connection to our roots.  Even if we do not embrace these beliefs in the same way our ancestors did we can still learn from these clues that were left for us.

Tradition and rituals are like habits. They are grounding.They mark the passing of the years. Why is this important? Without these markers, each day becomes the same without any real natural stop and start to each new season or phase of our lives. Our ancestors were more tied to the changing of the seasons and their ancient religious and secular holidays celebrate these changes. Holidays and rituals redefine the focus and activities for the different seasons of the year.

With Easter and Passover we are celebrating a rebirth and a rescue that began a new phase for both of these traditions.This reflects the idea of spring and rebirth. Even as the traditions remain the same every year, our role in these rituals changes and evolves. We go from hunting for the Afikomen (a piece of matzo from Passover) or Easter eggs, to being “too old” for these “little kid activities.” Years later we have fun being the ones doing the hiding so we can observe the joy in our children when they find them. Although these traditions may be consistent year after year, they are always changing for us because we are changing too.

We Come Together to Celebrate

Seasonal celebrations often bring people together.  No matter what else is going on, families tend to stop all other activities and come together around the holidays and traditions. Even those who dread coming back to the “same old traditions” can often find connections.

In addition to religious traditions, there are the family stories and memories that are associated with these seasonal holidays that can remind us of how we used to enjoy things as a child. Maybe it was hunting for Easter eggs or looking for the Afikomen after a Passover meal. We can get insight into how we were as children. How we remember feeling as we discovered something hidden or found  something new. We can reclaim a sense of wonder and joy we may have lost and forgotten. It’s like a clue to help us rediscover our Prakruti.

The More We Change, The More We Are The Same

Sometimes we are reminded of how much we have grown and changed and gotten beyond family conflicts or issues (or not). The holidays are goal posts marking our journey through the years. Whether we dread them or look forward to them they are great places to stop and smell the roses. Or just to stop and see if we can make this holiday a little more festive.

Using the habits we have developed around self-care and meditation, we can remain mentally stable during difficult times at holiday gatherings. When we are focused on our habits, it can be easier to navigate through difficult gatherings. Our habits can also release us from the burden of having everything perfect and missing the joy of the occasion because something did not go the way you expected. 

Traditions pass on the things our ancestors thought would be important for us to remember in order to keep connection to our true values.

This season take a look at what you choose to celebrate and remember:

1. Stick to your regular routine as closely as possible. Even when traveling, stick to your routine to keep you grounded.
2. Look past some of the things you might not enjoy and try to focus on why you are celebrating the occasion. Keep your mind on the why when things are challenging.
3. Connect with those celebrating with you. Holidays are a time of creating new memories and traditions. You never know when you may be creating a memory or a tradition you may want carried on into the future.
4. Use challenging situations as ways to practice acceptance. Practice acceptance not only of others, but of your own needs.